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By Wesley Kipng’enoh (@Wess_Kipp)
How committed are you to your relationship? You are probably holding on to it hoping that it will be tangible and possibly thrive in the foreseeable future. As my boys would put it “Shikilia hapo!”
Well, that is for the couples that actually want to make something good out of it. For the rest of us who are in relationships for fun, you probably should also join in as we get to draw a line between love and lust.
It is important that you get to know the ground that your relationship is blooming from, especially you the ladies. Because all along you stick around thinking its love: You end building your commitment on pure lust.
Dr. Judith Orloff an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, in her book Emotional Freedom expresses her concern that the two- love and lust, have been continuously mixed up and confused. She acknowledges that indeed, there is a clear difference between the two and especially for those in a relationship.
In her text she writes “Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy.” Simply put: While all men around wanted to date Vera Sidika, it’s simply because of her wide swinging hips and body contours, curves that they find sexually attractive. A clear definition of lust.
Dr Orloff points out an important factor in the book- Being in love doesn't exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love! Well, going by this, lust can eventually build up to love, which trust me, i found pretty strange.
Real love, which cynics will tell you does not exist, is something else. It is not based on “idealization or projection”, it requires time to get to know each other.“the author says. The factor here being TIME.
She came up with some signs that perhaps you can watch out for to differentiate pure lust from love in your relationship.
SIGNS OF LOVE
You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
You want to honestly listen to each other's feelings, make each other happy.
He or she motivates you to be a better person.
You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.
SIGNS OF LUST
You're totally focused on a person's looks and body.
You're interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
You are lovers, but not friends.
At an early stage of your relationship, you ought to discern the route which the two of you will have chosen to operate-is it route 116A-Lust or is it 14D-Love.
Extracts from Emotional Freedom By Dr Judith Orloff PHD
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