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Scared to reveal my past to my lover

By - | December 15th 2012 at 00:00:00 GMT +0300

I got married five years ago, but my marriage lasted only one month. I just couldn’t cope with him; he was too dependent on his siblings for any decision, even those specifically involving him, and me, which was irritating. One day he came and swept the house clean despite the fact that I had bought everything on my own. He just came and stole from me and went underground after that. Now, I have found another man who really loves me even though I am still legally married. I want to finalise things with my husband so I can start afresh, but I don’t know if I should tell my current boyfriend about my past. Will he accept me as I am? Where do I start the divorce process?                                                                                                



Your take:

Veronica, honesty is the best ingredient of love. Tell your current boyfriend the truth as it is. He may even help you wind the other marriage up. In the meantime, move in with him and begin life as you clean up the mess you got into

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{Tasma Charles}

What you are about to do is illegal because you are still legally married. If your current man knows your previous status, he will show you the door. ?Marriage is a respected institution and not for joy riders. Why did you start the journey and you knew you would drop by the roadside? Once you start divorcing you will end up being a divorcee throughout your life. Remember that what you plant today you will reap tomorrow.

{Onyango Outha}

You have reported contrasting issues. One, you could not cope with him and two, he went underground not to be seen again. Question; who was tired of who and who walked out of who? For now, you should follow your heart. Tell this guy the truth without any fear of rejection or intimidation. Everyone has a past — he may even have one of his own.

 {Ouma Ragumo}

The counsellors take

Veronica, your marriage is still valid until it is dissolved by a court of law. Neglect is one of the primary grounds for divorce, but it does not in itself grant the divorce. The process of divorce has to go full throttle. Since there are sufficient grounds for it, it shall be granted. You will need a lawyer to file the papers for you. Since this is not a complex case for an average lawyer, it may cost you between Sh20,000 and Sh40,000.

?About your boyfriend, it is in your best interest to tell him the whole truth. These things always have a way of popping up and when they come up by themselves it is very hard to come clean then — you need to come clean now. This is a bet you have to take, there is no telling how he will react to this, but I guess the only way to find out is by telling him and crossing your fingers.

If he is a reasonable guy, he may even assist you in finalising the process so that the two of you can get things going. Men easily adopt to new situations and with a little tender love and care he will come around.

Some words of caution though, do not act or appear to be desperate. Give him the power of choice to decide if he is still interested in settling down with you, let him know that even if you love him very much, you will accept his decision and live with it; at the same time, show some initiative by starting the process for divorce.

So far there has been no action from your side and this may be taken to mean that you are not entirely keen on the divorce and that you may even be hoping to get back with him. Then again, if things work out with your current guy and the divorce goes through, learn to live with some of the weakness or shortcoming you will find with him. The other guy was a criminal so that is an exception. Realise that every one of us has some weaknesses and rather than walking out on the marriage because of this, maybe you may try and deal with them as best you can.


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