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My husband won’t let me be employed

By - | August 25th 2012

I am married with two children. My husband took me into his house immediately I finished my Form Four exams and we have lived together since then. He paid my college fees and I was able to get a diploma in Early Childhood Development. I have attended several interviews most of which have been successful, but he will not let me work. Every time I get a job, he goes to that place and checks if there are young men working there and after his visits the answer is always no. He says his wife cannot work in a place with many men and this is really putting me down. At this rate, I will never work anywhere and I am tired of staying idle at home because when one stays idle they get very funny ways of spending their time. Please advise me…


How does a man invest so much in your college then denies you a chance to work? Why is he suspicious of you? Have you ever cheated on him? If not, then he is probably a cheat. Give him a piece of your mind.

{Ouma Ragumo, Ukwala}

There must be something in you that makes him doubt your fidelity. Are you easily influenced by peers or colleagues? Your principles can and will restore his trust in you.

{George Ogara}

His actions are based on insecurity and fear that you may cheat on him. If you gave in easily to his sexual advances, he might be thinking that you will be easy with other men. Create an assuring environment in your marriage.

{Pastor Allan Kiombe}

Your husband is possessive and doesn’t trust you. Show him that you are principled and that you respect him. Assure him that nothing is going to happen. Try also to find out why he is acting that way.

{Jafar Masaka}

My take

A study conducted in several states in the United States in 2010 found that housewives and stay-at-home mums were four times more likely to engage in extra-marital affairs than working women for two main reasons.

One, they have too much time on their hands and nothing to do with it and two, solitude robs them of their self worth and a sense of belonging thus they are always trying to assert their self worth to anyone who as much as looks their way. By denying you a chance to work, he is actually making you more vulnerable to his worst fears.

Married too early

He is right to think that you are vulnerable because he took you in just after you finished your high school. Being that you didn’t get a chance to date and do all those silly things people do, you may be having a gap inside of you that will need to be filled someday. As a matter of fact, the sooner the better and he ought to appreciate that you are mature enough to make good decisions and to act wisely.

Office affairs

The most astonishing fact is that office affairs are not as exciting as people think. In fact, they rarely happen. The familiarity is just too much. He should come to the realisation that whatever is jealously denied is the one and only thing that we want the most.

What to do

Talk to his closest friend about this. He will not listen to you, but he cannot ignore his friend — not when he knows that his insecurities have been exposed. His friend should not tell him what to do but set the facts straight.

However, bear in mind that the irony of this world is that in many instances, war is the only way to peace. Freedom is never granted, it is taken. Sometimes we have to go ahead and do something when we know it is the right thing and others will agree with us later. Deep inside, every man appreciates the strength of a woman who puts her mind to doing something. {Taurus}

Dear readers,

This column appreciates that no one has all the right answers and, therefore, seeks to get your feedback on the issues raised for discussion. Next week we will publish your comments and advice. Kindly send them to: [email protected]

You are invited to send your burning issue for discussion in this forum before Wednesday.

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Madd Madd World: 25.08.2012
Madd Madd World: 25.08.2012
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