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Adventure in the village hotels and the funny things that happen there
By Nelson Mandela | Updated Jan 20, 2017 at 09:29 EAT
Food is a way to a man’s heart. However invented the saying might have blood relations with our Luhya brothers, just kidding! Whenever you visit that famous village trading center food joint where you throng when your stomach starts demanding favor, do you notice funny things? Some of which can scare a born town young lady when a village tycoon surprises her with lunch. ​Most of these food joints could it be that Guinness world book of records has access to them, they would have grabbed the awards unopposed not once but on several occasions.Village datesThese are the venues of village dates, as bodaboda operators are any hustlers after toiling on menial jobs will take his love of life for lunch. The princess he will be entertaining is that village queen who after working as a maid in the city has taken a two-month leave in the village. All the same, it can be the famous Jack who is a tailoring student at fundi tosha. While his princess will be enjoying the sumptuous Ugali kuku, our poor Odiero will be struggling with chapati beans. The funny part of it is that our Odiero might not have enough money to foot the bills. This is where he will be dumped as a used tire.Noisy customersThese are avenues where bodaboda operators and village political technocrats convene to deliberate on many issues. These joints are turned into rumor mongering avenues and village branded opinion shapers will be heard at the top of their voices defending their preferred candidates and engaging in heated debates on who will win the long-awaited August general elections as a local MCA MP or women representative. Incase you call yourself a classy individual and by accident, you find yourself in one of these food joints you will regret it.UntidinessMy friend, here is where you will be disturbed on several occasions by flies flying from table to table on customers’ food. Don’t be surprised to find a fly in your tea as you will be waiting for sugar to be brought. Of course one of the food joint staff will be sent to buy sugar only to return an hour later. In case you’re smart enough to peep your eyes in the kitchen you will run for your dear life. The utensils you’re served on are the late nineties fashion so rusted and insufficient. Some are so pathetic such that you have to wait till the next customer finishes his food before you’re served.Funny food menusThe architects and designers hired to decorate food menus are incompetent as their product work. From the hotel name, you will encounter accent problem. Their dusty menus are as old as ten years and dare mock them, you be ejected with no haste. Most of the menus have foods that don’t exist and even if they existed, it was during the launching.Ugali SosaThis is the avenue where clients expect to be fed as if they are in their homesteads. From those asking for additional tea, ugali, and almost everything they have ordered. Worse enough is when the hotel owner refuses to offer ugali sosa, it always ending in heated arguments as they will threaten never to show up again.

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