Love, Rejection, Murder Generation?

Recently the country woke to sad news that a 22 year old third year student who was pursuing her degree at Maasai Mara University was found dead in her room. The unfortunate incident is alleged to have taken place on Thursday night when the deceased’s boyfriend went over to try and win her girl back. This comes just a few weeks after a lady was arrested in Kangemi for stabbing her lover who had left her for another lady when he learnt she was carrying her baby.  Elsewhere, in Moi University town campus, a first year student stabbed a fourth year male student to death in another episode of love gone sour.

This is a worrying trend which begs the question what is happening to the 21st century generation? Where have we gone wrong? The cycle of love nowadays is nerve-racking especially among the youth; I can only break it down into three phases Love, Rejection and Murder. Note I used the words especially among the youth because the sad story doesn’t end there; actually it is quite the opposite. Earlier this year a man murdered his wife then committed suicide in Gatundu. Michael Kinyanjui who was aged 43 killed his wife Jane Wangui aged 38 and then hanged himself in an adjacent room. It was never clear why Michael decided to end his lover’s life and then end his thereafter. Kakamega residents were also treated to their fair share of shock when Maurice Otunga, 79, was stabbed to death last month by his wife, 68, when they quarreled over a plateful of Githeri.

In a publication by ABC news on why spouses kill their lovers, Robi Ludwig a co-author in the book “Til Death Do Us Part” describes different personalities of spouse killers including the “temper tantrum killer” in the first category as the individuals who result to violent acts when their needs are not met. The “narcissistic killer” comes in the second category referring to a lover who harms those who no longer fulfill his or her needs. Mainly such a person harms his or her ex to continue with an affair.

 There’s the “abandonment killer” who kills an ex since he or she can no longer handle rejection. This is the most prone category in Kenya as seeing from the latest love triangle murders. We also have the “sociopathic killer” which Ludwig describes as a charming individual who knows the difference between right and wrong but doesn't care. Finally she establishes a common motive behind spouses’ killing their spouses and says that at that time the killers only think of themselves. They think of themselves as the victims and the other person is causing them pain and there is no other way to deal with it.

Ludwig lists traits of a potential spouse killer which include: Intense controlling behavior; Explosive feelings of rage; Difficulty forming intimate relationships; Poor impulse control; Inability to understand your feelings; Absence of emotions like remorse and sympathy; Searches out easy pleasure (i.e. a thrill seeker); Intense feelings of victimization and rejection; Devalues human life and  Pathologically idealizes partner.

While this phenomenon is experienced world over, the rate at which it is occurring in Kenya is alarming. It’s time we turned to counselors when we have relationship issues but first we should adopt a culture of opening up to each other and trying to solve our domestic wrangles internally. If this fails or proves expensive, we should invest in a friend who we trust and can open up to when things go wrong. When those we pursue don’t fall into our advances, we should handle rejection amicably by realizing that love should not be forced. Jealousy is natural and it’s good to be jealous but we should never let it lead us to making decisions we will live to regret.