Am I a girlfriend of convenience?

I’m dating this guy I have known since high school even though our dating is on and off. We come from the same rural area but he works as a banker in Nairobi while I am a teacher up-country. He keeps insisting that I visit him in Nairobi and spend the night with him, but I feel that I should get to know him first now that we have been apart for more than six years. We met some time last year and he proposed a relationship. After about four months of dating, he went underground until September this year when we met at a friend’s funeral. He gave me lame excuses for his disappearance but still asked me to be his girlfriend. He keeps going underground after several months of dating but I have feelings for him. I am confused. Please advise... {Linda}Your take:Linda, it’s clear this man does not love you. He is only using you as a lover of convenience. Don’t be fooled that he will stop disappearing once you sleep with him. This is a one-sided relationship and I advise you to take to your heels before it’s too late.{Oyoo Wycklife, Akala}If he loves you, he wouldn’t be going underground without communicating only to reappear claiming to love you. He is wasting your time by deceiving you about a love that doesn’t exist. What he feels for you is nothing but lust. {Felix – Oyugisnet}This guy has a permanent girlfriend somewhere. That explains his ‘disappearing acts’. You are just his ‘diversion’ from his real life, nothing more than a fantasy. Move on with your life and get a good guy.{Samantha Luvonga - Nairobi}You hardly know him yet he wants you to spend the night with him. You have no clue of his agenda and he has never given a substantive explanation for going underground. Be careful with him lest you fall into a deadly trap.{Bev Silvia}Linda, it’s funny that his feelings for you only ‘re-emerge’ when he sees you. You need to have a talk with him and find out if he is serious with you.{Etyang Denis - Malaba}A man who appears in seasons in your life is not worth your time and feelings. He just wants to have the satisfaction that he took you to bed then he will run. You have been too patient with him; it is time to sever links with him once and for all. Do not invest your time and energy in this doomed relationship. Forget him, period!{Cyprian Lukale - KCA Alumni}From my analysis, the two of you are not meant to be. You may love this man but does he reciprocate? I think you are flogging a dead horse.{Jose Maria}Linda, a relationship is two-way traffic. If you take time to call him, he should also reciprocate. It seems you are the only one who makes effort to sustain this dead relationship. By the way, six years is too long a time to be in an ‘on and off’ relationship.{Ogara George}Linda, long distance relationships require trust and commitment. I am a banker and I understand that the job maybe demanding.But that aside, you need to discuss and tell him what you expect of him. He might be interested in other women but it seems you are his choice — the reason for on and off.{Sam – Nakuru}Linda, a liar is always inconsistent and always gives excuses when cornered. Your boyfriend is a pathological liar. As a banker, he may have money but that is not what it takes for a marriage to succeed. You are financially stable, trust your instinct and lead your life.{Tasma Charles}My take:How it works with men:Linda, unlike women, men appear to have a short memory. Most guys have girlfriends they have dated since primary school back in the village and every time they see them (usually once a year) they still profess their undying love. Just like the politicians are after your vote, some guys are after one thing — to have sex with you. When they are done, they pat themselves on the back and look forward to next year when they will start their devious games again.The underlying policy in these matters is usually out of sight, out of mind. The next time you will vaguely come up in their mind is when they will be en-route to your neighbourhood. Apparently, this is not just particular to up-country girls like Linda. However, in towns and cities the guys will have to go an extra mile to buy a girl they fancy flowers, take her out to dinner and get her intoxicated to compromise her judgment.Learn to ask the tough questions! Ask this man some tough questions the next time you meet.Ask him, "Where have you been? Why don’t you keep in touch? What are you usually thinking I am thinking and why isn’t your story adding up?"This way, you would be less vulnerable to him. He wants, he wants...I hear statements like these from smitten women all the time: "He wants us to continue dating and he wants to be with me."Well, yes he wants all that but the big question is, do you want to be with him? Do you want to be with a guy whose mind you come into only when in sight? A guy who doesn’t even know your full names?I bet he never even brings you a gift when you meet, which tells you just how little he thinks of you. The cards are on the table Linda, but I think you are one of those convenience women who guys know will always be at their beck and call. Linda, this man does not care a thing about you and he will never be your man. So back off before it is too late.{Taurus}&#12288;

Am I a girlfriend of convenience?

Related Topics

Popular this week

Latest Stories

The Standard Insider

Digger Classified

GET OUR NEWSLETTER

CONNECT WITH US

FOR THE LATEST JOB ADVERTS

DIGGER JOBS

Digger Motors

Digger Real Estate

Am I a girlfriend of convenience?

Related Topics

Trending Now

Popular this week

Latest Stories

The Standard Insider

Digger Classified

GET OUR NEWSLETTER

CONNECT WITH US

FOR THE LATEST JOB ADVERTS