Rules for travelling upcountry by bus

By LK

Are you thinking of travelling upcountry? It would do you lots of good to bear the following in mind. Do not sit on the last row of seats and especially the centre seat. Every time the driver applies the breaks, you will run to the front, then walk sheepishly back to your seat.

The other passengers will wonder what is going on, and eventually pick up on it and giggle every time you do the 100-metre dash. Besides, the back seat will leave your behind sore from hitting the bumps. Every time the driver rushes over bumpy stretches you’re the worse for wear. On the up side, if you’re tall, you can comfortably stretch your legs as there’s no seat in front of you

Do not sit near huge people; their elbows will dig into your ribs and besides, they aren’t paying for the 25 per cent of your seat they are occupying.

Do not sit near a broken window; you might enjoy the fresh air during the day but get sunburned in the afternoon and freeze at night given the sorry state of our buses.

As a result, you may get sick before you get to your destination. Never get into arguments with the security officers searching you before you enter the bus (and security guards in general). The shouting match that will follow will only lower your dignity and make you look as stupid as they sound.

Avoid eating anything offered to you by strangers. You might wake up without some vital organs alone in Karura forest, assuming you wake up at all.

Do not imagine the staff of the company will show you the same courtesy and respect they did when you were still in Nairobi. Once you leave CBD…you will be sorely disappointed.

— LK