My husband's bad habits are driving me crazy!

Nagging only makes things worse, doesn’t it? Fortunately, there’s another approach (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris!

I really do love my husband, but he can be so irritating! He gets mad when he can’t find his keys, leaves his stuff all over the house, and goes completely AWOL whenever I want something done.

How can I get him to be a little less annoying?

A Little Less Annoying

Chris says, 

Hi, A Little Less Annoying!

Nagging only makes things worse, doesn’t it?

Fortunately, there’s another approach. The way professionals train animals will work just as well with your husband.

Animal training works by rewarding the behaviour the trainer wants and ignoring everything else. For example, getting your husband to be tidier. Ignore anything he’s left around and just be more smiley whenever he puts something away. Because you reward him for tidying stuff up, the clutter will gradually diminish.

You’re using what animal trainers call ‘approximations.’ Rewarding every small step in the right direction. Every time he puts one of his things in a cupboard, or even just heads that way!

The ignoring bit’s particularly important. When an animal does something wrong, its trainer completely ignores it for a moment and then continues the training as if nothing’s happened.

Because any response, positive or negative, fuels the behaviour. But if there’s no response at all, it gradually fades away.

Try it on your husband the next time he’s angry because he’s lost his keys. Just ignore him and go right on with whatever you’re doing. It takes lots of self-control, but soon all will go quiet and he’ll be saying he’s found them!

Without turning, call out, ‘Good! See you later...’ Train your husband this way and your marriage will be far nicer. And he’ll be much easier to love. Instead of taking his faults personally, you’ll start thinking of them as interesting training opportunities.

Always keep in mind what good trainers say: it’s never the animal’s fault. When your training fails, don’t blame your husband. Instead, find new training strategies or figure out how it might be that your behaviour is fuelling his.

And gradually he’ll get a lot less annoying!

All the best,

Chris