What if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life?

You’re nervous, because it’s never possible to be 100 per cent sure about anything (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris!

I’m getting married soon and I’m sure he’s the one. But I still can’t stop myself worrying that it’s all a terrible mistake! How can I get over my nerves?

Nerves

Chris says, 

Hi Nerves!

Of course, you’re nervous, because it’s never possible to be 100 per cent sure about anything. But it is possible to know whether you’re with the wrong man!

And so long as you’re not, then the chances are you’ll be happy together. So how do you make sure you’re not marrying Mr Wrong? Just think through your life together.

Your first check is that you share similar backgrounds, lifestyles and looks. And similar beliefs about politics, religion and so on.

Your fiancé also needs to be making a success of his life. So worry about someone with no friends, because that usually means that they won’t be capable of real intimacy. He should manage money well, because many marriages fail because of money difficulties. Is he overly attached to his mother? So when a decision has to be made, he asks his mum instead of you!?

Is he kind, polite and willing to forgive?

Be genuinely worried about anyone inclined to lie, or endlessly envious or secretive. Or who’s always suspicious and believes that everyone’s got it in for them, even when they obviously haven’t. Or someone who’s emotionally cold. Or who lives in a fantasy world. Or has odd ideas and behaviour.

Or someone who’s ‘emotional and impulsive,’ and cares little about the feelings of others. Or who finds it hard to control his emotions. Charming most of the time, but exploding into rage over something as simple as you being late.

Because people like this can seem very attractive to begin with, only to cause you endless distress as the years go by. And they rarely change. In fact, don’t marry anyone with a problem, thinking you’ll change them. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

Get the idea? Once you’ve checked you’re not with someone with problems like these, you can enjoy your wedding.

All the best,

Chris