We don't make love anymore, how do I bring it back?

Couples generally start making love less because other things somehow always seem to get in the way (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris!

My husband and I don’t seem to make love anymore. I don’t know why and I really want to, but it just never seems to happen, especially as my husband doesn’t start things like he used to. Why’s that? And what can I do about it?

No Loving

Chris says,

Hi, No Loving!

Couples generally start making love less because other things somehow always seem to get in the way. Or life’s become more stressful. But most often the problem’s simply that you’ve let the romance in the relationship slip away.

And that matters, because it’s the romance and intimacy that cements couples together.

Plus if you’re busy and stressed, then the chances are you’re not in the mood when he is, and so things don’t work out if he takes the initiative. And he only needs to be turned down a few times to start to lose his desire.

Talking about mismatched moods isn’t easy, so a better approach is to start creating some unspoken signals that show when you’re feeling romantic. With practice, they’ll gradually become ‘rituals’ which communicate and synchronise your moods.

What will work for you is very personal, so you’ll have to invent your own! Like, try signalling you’re in the mood by using a special perfume. And a longer than usual welcome home hug. Putting on a special playlist. Lighting a candle at the dinner table. Or just sitting a little closer together as you eat.

Try wearing one of his shirts and nothing else as you wander around the house. Or get into bed just as nature intended. Or just wearing some special lingerie or jewellery. While putting on your old flannel pyjamas will say ‘Not tonight, Dear’ without hurting his feelings!

Another very successful approach is to misbehave a little all evening, with a far from innocent look in your eyes. It works because of those eyes, and the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ style thoughts that’ll cross his mind! 

Get the idea? So go for it! And before you know it, your love life will be fizzing again. 

All the best,

Chris