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Senate dramas of crybabies and war cry end with self praises

By Brian Otieno | September 20th 2020 at 12:55:08 GMT +0300

Senate finally spoke with one voice, but not before the gods had their fun. The episode was veiled in a sorrowful gloom that clouded the Chamber at the start of the week.

Monday. Kakamega Senator Cleophas Malala had nerved himself to face his tormentors – their bosses at least – with what he termed as details of his assassination plot.

Inspector-General of Police Hillary Mutyambai and Director of Criminal Investigations George Kinoti had been summoned by two Senate committees to give clues on whoever was allegedly planning Malala’s meeting with his maker.

And Malala gave an account of himself when he first rose to speak. He gave names, of people, guns, restaurants and everything he thought was involved in the scheme. He sounded calm, almost unbowed, with every utterance.

But the gods were only setting him up, and anyone who might have been following the proceedings. He was doing well until they brought up an issue that would melt any heart – family.

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It was at this point that his speech acquired a drag, and his voice a delicate sombreness. It was also here that tears welled in his eyes.

Then came the memory that gave the tears a forward jerk. Someone claimed Malala had faked his arrest, and the thought of that was too painful to bear.

Malala choked on his words and the first teardrops threaded down his cheeks, charting the path for more that would make a mess of his face.

His script would mirror the travails of Bomet Senator Christopher Lang’at who also wept as he recounted his ordeal in the hands of the police.

Revenue-sharing debate

On Tuesday, the Senate spiced it up with suspense. The day had promised disappointment as the revenue-sharing debate was expected to feature in the proceedings.

That was, however, overshadowed by talk of a constitutional petition filed by Senate that was due in the High Court the next day.

Wednesday was the day of rage. Council of Governors Chairman Wycliffe Oparanya had, in the eyes of senators, committed an abomination.

His memo that counties should shut down critical services owing to their financial constraints and, more so, his move to blame senators for the situation did not go down well with the waheshimiwas.

One after the other, they queued up to insult the Kakamega governor, seemingly competing amongst themselves for the most vulgar remark. One called him a gangster. Another said he was a criminal.

On Thursday, the waheshimiwas sang their praises and those of their masters but they, too, had their fun first. Faced with a looming shutdown across the counties owing to their dithering ways, the senators announced they had reached a deal.

And they all gathered around to pose for a photo with the document that had the deal.

They smiled, struck hideous poses, sang, chanted, and declared Kenya to be 'corona-free' as they called themselves heroes. They took countless selfies, from all angles, as though one wouldn’t have been enough for the history books.

Soon after, they settled down to boast of their achievements and make confessions.

Remarks by Bungoma Senator Moses Wetang'ula perhaps best showed what they thought of themselves. “…this is a day set aside for heroes, legends and gods,” he declared.

Senate Revenue-sharing formula Kakamega senator Cleophas Malala
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