What to do when your own family hates you

Allow yourself the space to feel the emotions that arise [Courtesy, Freepik]

Not everyone can fathom the fact that a mother can hate her own daughter or how a man can have a strong dislike for his brother. Well, it happens. Navigating familial relationships can be a complex journey and finding yourself in a situation where family members harbour resentment or animosity can be emotionally challenging. This if not properly dealt with can have very serious effects on your wellbeing and future relationships.

So what do you need to do first?

Allow yourself the space to feel the emotions that arise. It is natural to experience sadness, confusion and perhaps even anger when confronted with the reality that some family members harbour negative feelings towards you or vice versa. Accepting these emotions as valid is the initial step towards understanding and processing them.

Consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counsellor to navigate the intricacies of these strained relationships. A mental health professional can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions, gain insights into familial dynamics and develop coping strategies. They can also help you set realistic expectations and boundaries fostering a much healthier emotional environment when you’re alone or around them.

Communication, though challenging, is a vital aspect of addressing family discord. If circumstances allow, initiate an open and honest conversation with the family members involved. Express your feelings calmly without placing blame. Be receptive to their perspectives as well and create a safe space that promotes understanding.

In situations where direct communication is not feasible or productive, focus on yourself. Cultivate a support network outside your family comprising friends or individuals who uplift and validate your experiences. Engage in activities that bring you joy and contribute to your overall well-being.

As you do that you also want to reflect on your own actions and behaviours within the family dynamic. While it is not uncommon for conflicts to arise from misunderstandings or differing perspectives, self-reflection can reveal a lot of things that went wrong and how to fix them. Acknowledge what you did right, what you did wrong and identify areas for improvement. This will allow you to let go. Forgiveness, although challenging, can be a powerful tool in your healing process.

This does not necessarily mean condoning hurtful actions but rather releasing the emotional burden associated with the negativity. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, freeing your mind from the shackles of resentment.

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Lastly, recognise that healing is a gradual process and it may involve setting boundaries with family members who continue to perpetuate pain. Prioritise your mental and emotional well-being even if it means physically and intentionally removing yourself from toxic family situations.