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To spare yourself from misery and heartbreak, leave your ex for good

 To spare yourself from misery and heartbreak, leave your ex for good (Photo: iStock)

Some women have exes who never really leave them. They are always coming back. Some even get married and they still keep going back to rekindle love affairs that have been dead for a long time.

Many of those times, a lot of us women imagine that it is love, not realising it is just a toxic cycle of a highly dysfunctional relationship that only serves the purpose of making us miserable. It is possible for two exes who loved each other to go back together and make it work.

That requires a lot of work and introspection from both people but that is not usually the case in heterosexual relationships. Those who keep going back to each other are usually toxic people who make each other miserable for a month or two before they break up again.

A lot of us women view an ex coming back as a sign of love. As a sign that he can never really get over you. That is just another lie that your ego tells you. Most men keep coming back because they know you lack boundaries and the willingness to leave. They come back because they know you are so into them and you will always entertain them and that isn’t what love is.

Love includes having respect for oneself and it includes having the ability to want something healthy.

You cannot live your life going through a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. You can also not live your life going through a cycle of breaking up and going back to sleep with your exes. It isn’t healthy and it is usually a sign of loneliness and the unwillingness to find yourself outside of that person.

Taking an ex back more than once is a mistake. Even once is stretching it a little too far because your relationship failed for a reason and you know in your heart that it cannot be fixed. You just go back because you haven’t been able to find another person or because you lack the discipline to stay by yourself and find the happiness you seek from them outside of that relationship.

If someone cheated and abused you, it means they have huge character flaws that will always come back to bite you and the best thing you can ever do is say no to them. There’s nothing that makes one as miserable as being in one long cycle of an unhealthy relationship that never comes to its ultimate end and every person deserves so much better than a toxic cycle of fighting and getting back with each other.

Women, especially should strive to let go of men as fast as men let go of women who do not make them happy. When women complain in relationships, for example, men usually see it as them being dramatic and nagging.

That should be the reason enough for women to make a practice of leaving at the first red flag but women stay for too long thinking love conquers all. It doesn’t. Love conquers everything in Hollywood movies only. Every person deserves a love that is healthy and intentional about staying and showing up in ways that only bring calm and happiness.

And you can never have that if you lack the courage to end a relationship that has overstayed its welcome into your life. To be truly happy you have to accept it could never work out and let it go with all your heart. The weekend is coming and the best thing you can do for yourself is to cut that ex who calls you at midnight to ask you if you can come over. You will go and by Monday you will have gone back to being miserable over them again. The most beautiful gift you can give yourself is to leave and stay ‘gone’.

If there isn’t someone else, you leave and you find another hobby. You cannot stay attached to one person all your life because you do not know how to be alone. You leave and you learn how to take yourself on solo dates.

You leave and you learn you can be happy going out with the girls on the weekend. You leave and you learn you can be happy watching Netflix at home by yourself. You leave and you learn who you are without the baggage of that relationship that makes you miserable.

You leave and you learn that you do not need other people to be happy. You leave and you learn to stay ‘gone’.

Make a habit of cutting people off and suffering once instead of suffering for a long over people that traumatise you further.

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