Why do I fall in and out of love so easily?

"Will I ever experience a love that sticks?" [Courtesy, Freepik]

Hi Chris,

I fall in love so easily, but just as quickly I soon fall out of love again. Why do I do that? And will I ever experience a love that sticks?

Falling

Hi Falling!

Falling in love is such a nice feeling, but it’s entirely caused by a rush of ‘falling-in-love’ hormones that stone us out of our minds.

They make you feel high, optimistic, full of energy, and willing to take terrifying risks. To dance all night, sing in the rain and do all manner of foolish things. But those hormones are only released at the start of a relationship and soon fade away.

So as the excitement wears off it’s easy to feel bored and to blame the relationship, when actually you’re just experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

Those hormones are intended to get you two into bed together. But once that’s happened, they have lots of drawbacks. Like the crazy things lovers do that make them into really bad parents. So the way that those hormone levels subside as a relationship settles down is all part of nature’s plan. But that can mean that it feels like love has gone too, which is why you feel you’ve fallen out of love.

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Separating is not part of nature’s plan of course, so you really should stop chasing each other all around the house, and concentrate on developing a long term relationship.

Fortunately, other neurotransmitters usually kick in around this time, which will help you feel calm, secure and happy with a long term partner. Obsession, excitement and need turning into mutual support and acceptance.

That might not sound quite so exciting, but converting lust into a long term relationship can give you a whole lifetime of the deeply satisfying kind of love we all crave.

But you have to be able to turn your back on all those chemical highs! Some of us just can’t, and so they never settle down. Perpetual bachelors. Girls who are forever chasing a new guy. Men who keep a comfy wife at home and get their highs from affairs.

Sadly, it’s just about impossible to get out of these habits once they take root. But now that you know what’s going on, just relax with the next nice guy in your life, resist the temptation to run, and give the relationship time to develop into something long term.

All the best,

Chris