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Help, I keep losing good guys

 "I’m hopeless whenever a new guy speaks to me" [Courtesy, Freepik]

Hi Chris,

I’m hopeless whenever a new guy speaks to me. I get so flustered, embarrassed and tongue tied that I’m sure I’m missing a whole load of opportunities. How can I become better at saying hello?

Tongue Tied

Hi Tongue Tied!

First of all, whenever you spot a guy who looks like your type, you must invite him to come and talk to you.

A good man won’t come near you without your say so. Which means you can brush off anyone who’s just chancing his luck, because he won’t be one of the good guys!

Sending the invitation’s easy. Just keep glancing at his eyes until he looks back. The moment he does, look down with a slightly anxious smile on your face. Look back at him after a moment, still smiling, and he’ll know to walk over.

A good guy will approach close enough to chat, but not too close, and will say something courteous.

So how do you reply?

Fortunately, what you say hardly matters at all! Just match the warmth of his greeting. Not too enthusiastic, or he’ll think you’re pushy. Not too subdued or he’ll think you’re backing out.

So think music, not words. He won’t even notice if your reply doesn’t make much sense. After that first moment, just keep building up the connection all the time.

It’s best not to say anything too revealing about yourself to begin with, but whenever he discloses something, reveal something similar about yourself.

Don’t get too far ahead, or lag behind by revealing too little. Getting close to someone is a game of gradual mutual disclosure.

Do you want him to ask you out again? Then just be straight about your feelings, without seeming overconfident. 

Perhaps say something like ‘Maybe we should have a drink sometime? Here’s my number.’ Then he’ll know you’re interested, but will still have to take the initiative to get another date.

Easy isn’t it? Yes it is, but it still takes practice to get it all together.

So get out there, and have lots of fun!

All the best,



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