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Man republic: Itinerary for the men’s conference

 As you prepare for tomorrow's mens conference, expect to listen to these topics (Shutterstock)

Fellow men, as we had earlier discussed, tomorrow is our big day. The men’s conference is finally here. I have been tasked with the humble responsibility of presenting the programme.

February 14 is now an internationally recognised men’s conference day thanks to the efforts of all men.

As you all know, we will keep details of the venue discreet since we do not wish to have interference from anyone.

In preparation, prepare to listen to the following topics tomorrow:

Death in the line of duty

It has been disheartening to learn that our comrades have been dying in the line of duty.

Fellow men, this is the proposal that we should endorse tomorrow. That no man should use any sexual performance enhancement pills without proper prescription of a medical doctor.

In fact, we shall write to relevant authorities and ask them to stop selling these pills over the counter.

We also wish to urge our gallant soldiers to always leave the scene of battle as soon as the ammunition is over.

Do not benefit the enemy more than you benefit yourself.

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Stingy Men’s Association

Fellow men, tomorrow we are formally launching the Stingy Men’s Association.

We had already sent out registration cards to many parts of the country and we apologise to regions yet to receive them.

Tomorrow, we shall give out free T-shirts to all men who will be in attendance at the conference.

Remember our slogan is still the same, “I will see what I can do” to any request that comes from a woman who is not your mother, your wife or your daughter.

Once more, let’s not feed honeypots that do not produce any honey.

Smelling good

I know our schedules are rigorous. We wake up at dawn and toil our heads off till sunset. Nature has deemed us to be providers and that requires hard work.

However, grooming is a key aspect of proper masculinity. And truth be said, most of us forget a key aspect of proper grooming.

Okay, we dress appropriately but do we mind how we smell?

I am not a lady but I suppose there is no worse turn off than a good looking man with natural body odour. This instantly depletes our gangster points.

Body odour is a sign of irresponsibility, it shows you don’t care about yourself or about the people around you.

On the other hand, apply your deodorants sparingly for them to play the mere purpose of masking body odour and making you smell like the civilised modern man that you are.

Change in leadership

Fellow men, let’s also remember that our patron and founder Mr Kibor may not be in attendance tomorrow but he had tasked his assistant, Mr Atwoli.

In case of any adjustments, I will communicate.

Remember it is an offence against masculinity to miss the conference tomorrow.

I am your humble servant and communications officer.

 

[email protected]

@Dick_Aseri on twitter

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