Will my wife Tenderoni allow me to marry a second wife?

In my wife's world, there is no such a thing as an off-the-cuff topic. What I think is off-the-cuff, could turn out to be a no-go zone for her.

Recently, Tenderoni mentioned, off the cuff, that one of her friends had 'allowed' her husband to marry a second wife.

"I would never consent to such a thing," Tenderoni swore.

Then she asked me the age-old question.

Age-old because, about two generations ago, my grandfather unconsciously crafted a 'default setting' for his descendants. Age-old because I am lugging a generational yoke, and those do not automatically expire with age, but with the bearer making the conscious decision – through words and deeds – to expel it from his immediate lineage.

When a woman calls God

The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord.

Wives have a direct line to God. That's why, when a wife prays for her husband, he receives favours that he never had when was single. And the favour turns into thorns in the flesh – immediately or later – when we bring an outsider to savour the sacrifice of the 'flesh of our flesh.'

The Good Book alludes to the fact that if a husband gets a second wife, tons of trouble follows.

Age-old question

While growing up, I constantly heard my father lamenting the pitfalls of growing up in a polygamous home.

My grandfather had five wives. In those days, a man's wealth was measured by the number of wives he could comfortably take care of.

When my grandfather died in the early 60s, his once tight-knit family came undone. All the wealth he had accumulated followed him to the grave. There were claims of jealousy and witchcraft, with each wife's household pointing accusing fingers to the next.

The age-old question Tenderoni asked was, "Would you take a second wife?"

I flipped the Scripture.

Recipe for polygamy

Marital strife can be a recipe for polygamy. When Tenderoni and I separated in 2014, our marriage was thrown under the 'default setting' bus.

I was constantly assailed by adulterous temptations. And one fling can lead to a lifelong commitment. But I vowed that I would not allow another woman, whether a relative or an outsider, to further drive a wedge between us.

However, best of all, I have realised that monogamy or polygamy is a matter of taking personal responsibility and facing the consequences.

Flipping the Scripture

Many of us first jump into marital beds and think later. Even when we attend pre-marital counselling, we do not air some dead serious issues but sweep them under the rug, until they run us over.

Personally, when marrying Tenderoni, I did not break bloodline bondages. I declared, "I'll love and hold this baby, till death do us part." Here's what I did not know; that a generational yoke had made the same vow over my life no sooner had I beat about 500 million sperms in the maddest ever dash for dear life.

But, to quote Maya Angelou, "I did then what I knew how to do, and when I knew better, I did better."

When Tenderoni asked me the question, I flipped the Scripture. I remembered Paul's caution in an epistle to the Corinthians: "Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."

"I'm not that guy," I replied, "Plus, I want to spare myself tons of troubles."

"Is that a no?"

"No. It's a Hell No!"