A female friend with a foul sense of humour recently shared one of those viral jokes on WhatsApp. The joke went something like, ‘if we had a speed-dating forum in Nairobi where you interact with potential partners and you must state what you want from each other under 10 seconds, there will still be a Nairobian chick who will request Sh 5,000 to give it back to you in a week’s time.
A spot check on the number of women who pay back is zero. Damn! This is singularly the most exasperating, pernicious and repugnant behaviour that all men in Nairobi wish that women just stopped.
Every week, whenever we are having a drink, there would always be that guy smirking, grumbling and occasionally even breaking of a bottle, followed by the words: “Huyu dame anainitisha 3k, eti gas imeisha?!” To which, we would ask, ‘who is she?’
“Ni dame tulipatana kwa club like two weeks ago na amekam kwangu mara moja,” will be the response.
Then all the men at the table will share their similar travails.
This habit is so prevalent, it has become second nature. When you approach a woman, you are damn sure that she will scheme to fleece you at some point.
And that is always sooner rather than later. No man is ever surprised by that text that lands on the 17th day of the month, usually at 11.17am, or late at night. A story is told of a woman who asked for money for gas from one of her many ‘sponsors.’ The sponsor, sensing an opportunity to get laid, arrived there with a gas cylinder, only to be told by the security guard that she had a male visitor, who didn’t look like a relative!
Why do women ask for money from men they hardly know, save for the one-night stand? I know for sure that times are hard, and people are having it rough.
It’s worse for men, but doubly worse for women. But that is not reason enough for women to ‘borrow’ money from any man who expresses sexual interest in them.
Part of the reason is that many Nairobi women live beyond their means.
Inspired by movies, their friends and all, these materialistic women want the latest of the best human hair, to eat from the swankiest restaurants, wear designer clothes and ride the best cars. But their salary is peanuts that you can even snack on. The substitute is to borrow money from home or men.
After 24, it becomes increasingly hard to borrow money from home. Besides, our parents spent all their life savings to see us through university, with hopes that we will take care of them in old age.
Besides, asking money from your poor father or mother in the village to go partying all night is morally objectionable. Women know this. Hence, they turn to men.
Now, men come in different shades. The stingy ones like me are always booted and blocked. The generous ones but weak-minded with no game whatsoever are always manipulated to give money. Which they dutifully do. And make the rest of us responsible men look bad.
But some women often make outrageous demands. To meet these demands, they need several men to fulfill each of their endless desires. But sleeping with several men while making money out of them is not any different from commercial sex work.
And this habit becomes addictive. Some of the women replace men as soon as they are unable to afford their expensive lifestyles. Some women are smart and once they meet a rich guy, may try and wring out of an M-Pesa shop or some clothes’ stall on Moi Avenue out of him. Fatherly men know that it is better to teach someone to fish than feed her fish. Some even give their mistresses jobs and will have no guilt leaving them, when the time comes and such women always know the rules.
But there is a positively lazy class of women that can be annoying.
First of all, they are without ambition, and they are comfortable receiving handouts and looking good and sexy for the randy man anytime he pops the pill and pops up at her house.
These are the women that get pregnant and likely to demand child support. I’m all for child support, but some women normally work themselves into these ‘situationships.’
Women should work hard, live within their means, get married, or borrow from their brothers and relatives. Just so you know, men don’t like paying for sex.