I remember, years back, hearing a couple speaking about how they keep the fire burning in their marriage by making time for each other. They planned date nights, made sure to check in during the day and most importantly never slept when they were upset at each other. Fast forward a few years and then I started hearing of couples scheduling sex. I was taken aback because in my mind, when you live together, shouldn’t having sex be a no brainer?
The older I’ve become and the more I have come to understand the ins and outs of adulthood, the more I have come to see the sense in scheduling sex. Life can get busy what with kids, careers and general family life, that you end up completely exhausted come the end of the day so much so that sex is the last thing on your mind. As such, it’s quite possible to go weeks before you and your partner have had time to yourselves.
An article I read put this into perspective and I think it’s important that I share it here. Go back to when you were single. You’d meet up with Mister and there was an unstated understanding that you would have sex whether you went out for a meal first or you spent the night at either of your homes. The subtext of this is scheduled sex. So why is it so absurd to do the same when you’re married?
Granted, there is something exhilarating about spontaneity. And yes, you will have moments when you do hook up in the middle of the day but you can’t hinge your married life on those few moments. You have to be intentional about making time just for the two of you. This will help keep the spark alive in your marriage.
As you schedule intimacy, don’t be mechanical about it. This is not the time to rush things or go into it half-heartedly. Build up to the moment throughout the day by sending each other flirtatious texts. Set the mood by either booking a hotel room, renting an airbnb or put the kids to bed early. Wear something nice and put on your best perfume. Have a romantic dinner and keep the conversation about the two of you. Ensure your bedroom is clutter free, dim the lights and add candles. Simply put, go out of your way to make sure that the night is focused towards the end goal.
Scheduling intimacy isn't about doing things mechanically because you have to. It's about intentionally carving out time to add fuel to the fire of your marriage. It's about not allowing life and life's challenges to come in the way of romance.