Girl code: Never fight your way into a man’s heart

Dear women, I know you have been told a million times that the number of men is higher than that of women and women must learn to share their men. But would you be comfortable sharing your man as you sit pretty waiting for him to decide which one of you will take him home?

I wouldn’t! Maybe I did years back when I was naïve and believed relationships were all about fighting for my position in a man’s life. I would hunt down all the other women in his life and give them a piece of my mind claiming I was his rightful owner. This was until the day he invited two of us on a date then sat back to enjoy the emotional torture he was causing us. That day, I rose from my slumber and told myself 'never again’.

If ever I will be in another relationship, I will only do so if I was the only woman flying the man’s flag. Relationships should not be like football tournaments where women are knocked out one by one as they fight for positions in the finals.

By the way, even the tall dark and handsome men you see bouncing along the streets of love have flaws. Sure, you might get to the finals and lift the cup of victory but the same man you were fighting for will plan for your downfall and help the other woman grab the cup from you. I once got to the ‘finals’ during my years in campus and thought that I had hit the jackpot. Shock on me! A woman who wasn’t even participating in the ‘tournament’ ended up lifting the trophy as those of us who had fought for the man looked from a distance.

Those were the days I used to take on wifey duties. I was one of those women who wash, cook and iron for their boyfriends to prove that we are wife material. I pinched myself so hard after falling flat on my face.

Never again will you find me scrubbing a man’s bathroom on a Saturday and cooking him meals to last the whole week. The current me will not even rinse a cup I have used in a man’s house. Not because I am lazy... I am just preserving my energy for more important things. Until he puts a ring on it, I will reserve my energy for my own house. Even if the number of men is higher than that of women, I will sit my small behind down and wait for my man because I believe that there is someone for everyone. Women, some men will try to threaten you using your age claiming that the older you get, the lower your chances of getting married. I tell you today, do not listen to them. Take your sweet time and wait for your man.

Don’t let anyone arm twist you into a crowded relationship or marriage. Know your worth and stand by it. Once you get your man and he puts a ring on it, guard your territory like a wounded lion. There are other women out here who have totally refused to toil and are walking around waiting to harvest what they did not sow. Do not go down without a fight. When I say ‘fight’, I do not mean that you pick a hockey stick and whip someone’s daughter senseless for stepping into your territory. Fight for your man with dignity and class, do not get physical.

The other day I saw four women fighting for the position of the widow during a man’s burial. The man died before formally introducing any woman to his family. The women turned the funeral into a wailing competition. Either of them was trying to prove to the mourners that she was the rightful woman to be given the widow badge.

How do you even become a widow before becoming a wife? If he never introduced you to his people, why would you scream your lungs off competing to wail. What if your lungs collapse in the process of wailing in a foreign land? Women, let’s learn to draw boundaries when fighting some of these battles. It’s never that serious!