I have seen so many relationships that start with haste, with a guaranteed promise of marriage that collapse faster than politicians throw away their manifestos before they are even sworn in.
I have noticed, the older one gets (after 35 for men, after 30 for women), the more difficult it becomes for them to get married. I know many men past 35, well-to-do, who are not keen on marriage at all, and even their parents and relative have stopped raising hell for them.
It used to be that there are no serious men to marry. But now, the tables have turned. Getting a serious woman to marry nowadays is like getting a good politician you can trust: impossible. And men have become very picky, because lately getting a raw deal is the norm. Women want men to be husband in the traditional sense, but they want to wives in the modern sense, which is a double-standard.
I asked a few bachelors why they are not keen on marriage, despite their advancing age. Here are some of the reasons.
1. Misplaced expectations
Most men cited this as a key reason to them postponing marriage. You meet a woman, she is perfectly sensible, and looks wifable. Until you express your interest, she notices you have some spare cash in the bank and she starts getting ideas about a grand wedding. A woman you have barely dated for a month starts telling you she would a proposal on the moon and a proposal at the Egyptian pyramids, a wedding in Hawaii, and a honeymoon in France. Women normally have wild fantasies that cannot be fulfilled in 50 lifetimes, and they rarely come down to earth to accept being married without so much fuss. With such materialistic expectations, men put marriage indefinitely until they can meet a woman who thinks like a normal human should.
Women are inherently selfish. They start their lives early. By 28, a woman has essentially done every sinful thing human beings should do before they settle down. But by 28, a man has barely started to even afford a 21-year-old nubile college girl. So a 32-year old man, meets a 27-year-old woman ready to settle and woman would want to have a wedding with the man with the man within 72 hours. Many men have left their prospective wives because of undue pressure. Some women even fall pregnant in 2017, to trap a man, and you can see the result. A number of single-mothers out here got themselves in the situation by exerting too much pressure on the man. Thing with men, once they see a wifable woman, they never hesitate.
I know this is often seen as a double-standard, but most men are picky and would prefer as close as possible they can get to a prude. But in a place like Nairobi, where women lose their virginity at a relative a young age, by age 24, they would have done everything and sexually speaking they will not as exciting as a man would like it. So, there is a dilemma. Most men skip on older women because of the excess baggage that they carry, but younger women are increasingly becoming a raw deal. It is possible to meet a 25-year-old with as much baggage as a 34-year-old spinster resigned to fate.
4. Single mothers
Most of eligible women with good credentials are already single mothers, whether they are in their mid-20s or in their 30s. While the attitude about marrying single mothers have changed over time, most men are still hesitant about single mothers. So you meet a good woman, in perfect shape, good humour, can cook like a top chef and she can tick every box, but she has a boy aged 6, she gave birth to when she was 23. And now you can't help but disappear to the woods.
5. No serious women
Some men told me that most men are jokers. Some are adulterous, gold-diggers, and some want the party never to stop. Add onto this those hooked on alcohol or drugs but still are hoping to be married at some point. The sooner women realise that men admire disciplined women, they can adjust their lives accordingly. Marriage is a full-time vocation, you have let go so many youthful indiscretions, for you to be marriageable.
Overambition is just as bad as not being ambitious. But most women are in a race for papers (money or academic) and they rarely have time to settle down. And the older a woman gets, the more her appeal towards men dissipates.