Someone please tell this woman to stop

I am not a big fan of TV so you will rarely find me glued to some random soap. I always arrive home tired and I just want to catch up on the news, eat, bathe and head to bed.

For some reason, I prefer watching a particular news channel so I rarely get to know what is happening on other channels. That explains why I had no idea who a certain woman was until a few weeks ago when I found my husband excitedly watching her rants.

On this particular day, this self-appointed marriage counsellor was advising women on tips to spice up their marriage.

“Akifika hivi mwondole koti, mtayarishie maji ya kuoga, hata ukiweza umwoshe, mueke chakula mezani, umwimbie nyimbo... (When he walks through the door remove for him his coat, prepare his bathe water, if you can wash him, set the table for him, if you can sing for him).” My hubby was so happy like a blind man who has received sight.

Like the rest of the women on set, I was pissed off; I wanted to switch the channel back to my favourite news channel. I mean this woman was spewing some outrageous lopsided advice she needs to be stopped. Fast.

Like my husband, I hear a good number of men support her sentiments, rightly so because she advocates for their rights. But women, particularly working married mums, myself included, have serious beef with this coastal woman, because she rarely speaks on our behalf much as she is one of us.

The elderly woman no doubt has good intentions for reviving the threatened institution of marriage, but the problem is that her suggestions are a bit off. Her ‘mawaidha’ does not factor in current realities and dynamics facing working married mothers in the 21st Century.

What she spews is perfectly applicable in the generation of our grannies who depended on their husbands for everything. That is the time when women stayed at home to cook, clean and give birth while men went out to hunt in the city.

But now, the reality is different. Though we have women who have chosen to be stay-at-home mums, majority because the cost of living has gone up, have chosen to also be hunters to help meet the family budget.

And because of that, women now have double roles, because they have to do their traditional caregiver roles and also have to go to work in order to earn a living to supplement the family income.

Men on the hand, have an easier ride because they are only playing the role of providing of which women are also contributing making the burden lighter.

With that reality, it is unfair to expect women, to go that extra mile, in the marriage to please their men. I mean we are both from work, tired and exhausted yet when we reach the house, I am expected to remove his coat and shoes? Who will remove my heels and bra? I can’t.

The writer is a married working mother of a toddler boy and a pre-school girl. She shares her experience of juggling between career, family and social life