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Finding 'the one' is this easy

Girl Talk
 Photo: Courtesy

Finding 'the one' is this easy

Often I interact with people desiring, and sometimes desperately looking to find “the one” in order to settle and experience love, romance and fruitfulness in abundance. What may seem natural to some may be another’s night mare.

Nancy in her late 30’s, does not seem to have found favor in finding “the one” and this has become a real source of frustration, disappointment and anxiety. I am losing confidence, feeling the pressure from my friends, peers and most of all my family who constantly are on my case seeking my indulgence on the topic which I dare not entertain, she said; what do I do?

Finding the right romantic partner is a journey of thrills and frills; adventure and apprehension. Perhaps like Nancy, you continue to be attracted to the wrong people or keep making the same mistakes and consequently finding “the one” has become elusive. It could also be that you are not strategic in your needs and desires, and this could simply be that you do not know what you want.

Recently, I had a conversation with some ladies on the topic and posed the question, “what kind of partner are you looking for?” Their response was simple, someone who is ready to settle down and will love me big time. Really, is that all? There are tons of individuals out there who are ready to settle down and will love you the way they know how, however, it may not necessarily be in line with your expectations.

A healthy, loving relationship enhances many aspects of life, from your emotional and mental well-being to your physical health and overall happiness. For many, finding someone to share your lives with can seem like an impossible task. But don’t despair, even if you have a history of relationships that don’t last, you can still learn how to find lasting love.

All is not lost, you are an individual and your path of life is not necessarily similar to your friends, peers or siblings. The fact that you have been left behind does not in any way mean that it is over for you, oh no most certainly not. Consider the following thoughts with me;

1. Marriage is not for all

Allow me to burst your bubble, while there are health benefits that come with being in a healthy relationship, marriage is not for all and that does not in any way mean that you will not experience fulfilment and a full life. Yes, I must admit that, unfortunately, there is a social stigma that accompanies being single, however, never make a mistake to enter into a relationship just to “fit in and impress.” Nothing is as devastating and unhealthy as being in a bad relationship, believe me here the saying “better be alone than in bad company” is so true!

2. Match your thoughts, words and deeds

Attitude is everything, have a positive attitude and speaking of your desire is important. You need to engage your attitude followed with a pattern of behavior. Word and deed should match; what are you speaking about your future? It’s never too late, with enough effort, and you can change the way you think, feel, and act. Practitioners of behavioral therapy believe that behavior is learned and can therefore be un-learned in therapy. If one is unable to change behavior, seek cognitive behavioral therapy instead of throwing in the towel.


3. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand in hand

For some it is fatal attraction for others it is a friendship that transitions to a conscious decision to progress the relationship to a marriage. However, there is this assumption that you should be electrified by the man you fall in love with. Beloved, instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand in hand; it is dependent on many factors. Attraction does grow over time as a result of familiarity and grow from a causal friendship to passionate love. Do you ever give a relationship time and chance or are you chasing the feel good sexual hormones such as testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, oxytocin, and vasopressin. They may be elusive but at the right time you will find a flood that you cannot contain, exercise patience.

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke

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