Trust glues your bond

Are you worthy of your children’s trust? Does your child know that no matter how fearful life becomes, dad will be there to love and accept, help and guide?

Children have an inherent sense of trust in their mum and dad. In the early years, they believe everything their parents tell them.

Correct parental words and deeds help them interpret life and shape their personal worlds. Equally potent are corrupt parental words and deeds.

During the middle years, children trade their unquestioned trust in mum and dad for a more measured opinion about the trustworthiness of both.

Trust binds human relationships, especially family relationships. The quality and quantity of trust children have in their fathers is the only legitimate benchmark of their relationship with them. Intimacy, the soul of human relationships, cannot be present if trust is absent or in doubt.

For a child, trust is the bridge that links her need to know that she is loved with an understanding of being loved, her need to know that she belongs with a sense of belonging, and her need to be accepted with the knowledge that she is truly accepted.

The family provides a place for learning about meaningful relationships. Researchers have found that adolescents who feel connected to their parents and siblings through trust are less likely to suffer from emotional distress, experience suicidal thoughts and behaviour, exhibit violent behaviour, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, or use drugs. They perform better in school, enjoy deeper relationships, and are well adjusted.

Here are some helpful relationship building ideas:

Cultivate attitudes that lead to a strong sense of family identity. Family identity is based on trust, acceptance, and a growing loyalty between members. It is a significant factor in the life of every child. Even negative peer pleasure is greatly minimised when a solid family identity is established.

Verbalise your commitment to the family. Fathers must be assertive in leading their families to bring cohesiveness. When dad is excited and encouraged about the family, children feel the same way. When he is silent about the family, the children wonder whether he really cares about them. When, for instance, having dinner with the family, make statements such as, “This is a terrific family” or “I thank God for putting us all together”.

VULNERABLE MOMENTS

Understand your child’s private world. To find out what is going on with your child, you need to access her inner private world. Children unexpectedly open up the window of their heart to invite you in, and you must listen with your heart as well as your head. If you prove trustworthy during the vulnerable moments, she will come to you when she is older and facing problems.

Give your child the freedom to fail. Reassure your child that failure is acceptable, as long as he or she makes an honest effort. Children need to know that you view their failures as the first steps to success. A father’s wrong attitude towards failure can prevent his children from stretching themselves to their full potential.

Encourage your child. There is a big difference between an encouraging remark and an encouraging father: Real encouragement flows out of a relationship. It is more than a word now and then — it is your smile, expression, and very presence that communicate encouragement. Fathers need to be a source of encouragement because encouragement builds trust.

Routinely embrace your child. Holding your child provides security and also meets emotional needs that will one day will be met by your child’s mate.