When love turns to hate

Recently, a woman was charged in court for plotting to murder her husband of 15 years. Apparently, this was not the first time she had paid ‘hit-men’ to eliminate her husband. This case is not unique to

In May, Doreen Dufresne, of Port Orange, USA got a hit man to kill her estranged husband, just before he removed her from his insurance policy. There was also a  brutal murder of  Mathew Winkler, a respected man of the cloth whose marriage seemed harmonious.

Bottled Anger

One fine day, his wife, Mary Winkler, woke up in the middle of night, got a gun and fired several bullets in the body while he slept, killing him instantly.  She  later said she was fed up of her extremely critical husband.

As he lay on the floor bleeding profusely and still conscious, his last words to his wife as he gasped for breath were; “Why? Mary why?” The response from his wife was equally shocking. “I love you Mathew”.

Today I will address the “Why?”

When people are upset, they tend to say things they regret later. They even wish someone dead, but implementing it is another story altogether. The reasons Mary gave for killing her husband were that he was abusive and critical, putting her down all the time until she finally felt she could not take it anymore.

 Did she need to kill him, one would ask. There are several reasons why a woman would kill her husband.

One is being unstable, depression, narcissistic thoughts and feelings that your partner is to blame for your failures. The passion of love that once consumed then turns to hate.

Hatred also arises because of a sense of anger and self pity, “how can he do this to me”, anger turns to rage and finally to vicious actions. It’s helpful to understand the following;

Battered person’s syndrome is a physical and psychological condition that manifests in abused women who finally kill their supposedly abusive husbands. The condition was first highlighted by Lenore Walker to explain why abused women stay in destructive relationships.

 Depression

According to the research, the reason why they stay include denial, positive reinforcement of the abuse cycle, economic dependence, fear of danger that would be afflicted to them if they left, loss of self esteem, depression and low energy.

To get out of this trap, it’s important to know and understand your partner:

Find every method to communicate with the abuser to stop the violence and if this does not work, find mentors to hold him accountable. If it does not stop, consider a temporary separation.

Do not be ashamed to call in the neighbours and involve relatives and in-laws.

Remember it is one thing to think about getting rid of a spouse who is a problem; it is another to actually execute it.