My jobless hubby wants me to resign

Eve Woman

I am married and working as a civil servant in Murang’a town. My husband has not had a stable job since he was retrenched in 1999. I received a letter transferring me to Sotik and the decision is final. My husband cannot sustain nor take care of himself, and I may not afford to travel every now and then. He has vowed not to come with me, saying he cannot follow a woman and he is asking me to resign. My job is our main source of income, but he seems focused on staying in Murang’a. I don’t know what to do. Going seems the only viable option, but it may cost me my marriage.

{Jane}

Your take

Jane, there comes a time when you must choose between poverty and love. Your man should be reasonable enough not to let you two leave in poverty, yet there is an option for you to have a decent life. Your husband should stop behaving like a stubborn teenager.Resignation is not a practical solution to this matter. Somebody who cannot sustain nor take care of himself should set aside their pride. Yes, he can be consulted by virtue of being your husband, but he cannot make major decisions on this matter, though he may give suggestions or opinions. Go ahead and honour your transfer for your good and the good of your family.

 (Gerald Kariuki Mose)

You are torn between staying in Murang’a or relocating to Sotik. You need to weigh your options well. Remember your marriage is important, but so is your daily bread. You need to convince your husband that you need your job to support the family. Your husband should understand you need finances to survive and now that he is jobless, he has no option but to follow wherever your job takes you.

(Onyango Outha-Uduny)

You need to think soberly about this. Your priority now is how you can take care of the family needs. That is why you must move to Sotik. If you resign just to please your hubby, you may end up homeless and hungry. 

(Emanuel Mutune)

Jane, what you need urgently is this job. Your hubby needs to style up and follow you, or he might as well retain his ego and starve alone in Murang’a. Try to talk to him and if there is no breakthrough, involve his friends.

(Tasma Charles)

It appears that the two of you have tried to resolve this issue in vain. How about involving a third party?

(Ben Shikuku)

Get other family members to talk to your husband. Your family is as important as your job. If he, however, fails to change his stand, you have no option but to go ahead and move to your new job location.

(Oyoo Wycklife)

My take

Jane, your situation is complex being that African men always have a problem, especially where it appears that they are ‘following their wife around’. However, your job seems to be at stake, yet it is clear it is your only source of livelihood. He may refuse to go but he needs to give reasonable alternatives that would guarantee the family’s livelihood. It may appear as if your marriage is on the line, but this may not necessarily be the case. Sometimes we have to make some radical decisions for the sake of the children. The right thing is for you to move — of course with blessings of your husband, but even where he may totally refuse to support, you may still need to go. This is the right thing for you, your career and your family’s livelihood. If he decides that he does not want anything to do with you, carry on because you can always find your way back as a better person in future. Putting your job on the line to make him happy while this is the only source of livelihood for the family, may be the wrong thing to do for now.  {Taurus}