The hen and Stag night... wedding

Many would not necessarily divulge the exact details of what goes on at stag and hen parties but is it really as risquÈ as we have been led to believe? ALLAN OLINGO exploresThe blockbuster movie, The Hangover, exposes what happens in most bachelor parties, binge drinking, strippers, lap dances, even sex sessions with hookers.When it comes to the hen nights, activities could range from strip teases, drunken stupors to lessons from aunties, girlfriends or older sisters. Everyone has their own definition of what a hen or stag party should be. CounsellingWhat really goes on at hen and stag nights? When we posed the question on the Eve Bridal Facebook Fan page, Njoki Karanja said that at a bridal shower she attended, they had a marriage counsellor who gave lectures about sex, communication, finances and the challenges of marriage to the bride-to-be. Says Njoki: "We had a counsellor attend the session where we all shared in the expectations of marriage and had her counsel the bride-to-be on the challenges that come with marriage. We then had some wine and played games. It was fun."Joseph Saya on the other hand says that the one time he attended a stag party, some of the guys decided to have random liaisons in the highly charged alcoholic environment. "In one of the parties I attended, there were strippers who were hired to perform for the groom and his friends and unfortunately, some men engaged in sexual activities with them," says Joseph.There really does not exist a clear-cut guideline of what should happen at these parties. In most cases anyway, these parties are not about drinking or watching a stripper but hanging out, talking and having some bonding time together. "The bonding among men may not be as emotive as women, but these occasions are memorable to the men because of the rarity in them," says Kennedy Miduwa, a psychologist.Having a marriage counsellor is always a popular choice at the bridal showers. "It is mostly an older married woman and she handles topics that range from bedroom matters to communication, finances, children and sex," says Hilda Kinoti, who wedded early this year.Funny enough, this is one aspect that is absent in many bachelor parties.In bridal showers, there is usually an activity list that consists of games the bride and her friends play. The games help break the ice and settle the nerves of the bride-to-be. Gifts such as lingerie, thongs, body lotions and so on are also given to the bride to encourage her to enjoy her wedding night.Fun and games"My bridal shower was a conservative one; we played indoor games but I have heard that others would do sexual dares and even incorporate male strippers in these games," says Hilda.On the other hand most stag parties involve sexual and alcohol-related themes and the groom, with the backing of his friends, savours his last moments as a single man.Interestingly, Miduwa says that while the bride will not necessarily indulge in anything that she couldn’t tell her fiancÈ about, the groom will rarely ever divulge what really went on at his bachelor party.Some of the things that occur at the bachelor party are likely to break the marriage itself when revealed but usually most grooms do not over indulge in the extremes of the moments.David Boyer, the author of Bachelor Party Confidential, says that it’s not the groom who is likely to cheat at the bachelor party but his friends who will use the party atmosphere to misbehave.Miduwa says that on normal occasion it is women who will feel more insecure about the goings-on at these parties as opposed to men.Says Miduwa: "Most men will always feel irritated when their bride to be pops up at the party because her uninvited presence may not only make him look like a wimp before his friends but signal a lack of trust on bride’s part."It really would be asking too much of him to disclose all the incriminating details of his bachelor bash. Miduwa adds that these parties thrive on the code of secrecy and most of the attendees know that whatever happens there should never be revealed.Says Miduwa: "It’s the only way these marriages can remain firm because some of these secrets can actually break them."

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