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Mother's Day: Should you celebrate Mother's Day if you hate your mum?


Crazy as this may sound, some people feel this way about the woman who birthed them.

And we get it, you expect your mother to be the one person in this whole world to offer you unconditional love, care and support. Being reliant on her especially during developmental years, the bond intensifies.

That, however, can lead to the false impression that your mother can never do any wrong until the one day she disappoints you or doesn’t meet your expectations and you finally realize that your hero has her own shortcomings.

But that is excusable once you get to understand they are human and flawed just like you. What complicates the issue is when you can clearly point out abuse, neglect and mistreatment.

Relationships are complex. But when your mother treats you horribly everything changes. Whether she was in her right frame of mind or not, it gets hard to see past the pain and trauma caused, especially when it was a consistent thing.

In some instances, her parenting skills could be to blame. She may have an authoritarian personality which can be intrusive, overwhelming, critical and violent. She could also have a personality disorder or had a tragic childhood which still does not excuse the offence.

Are your feelings valid? Absolutely.

It is natural to feel hatred, anger, or animosity towards a person who has hurt or wronged you. And that person could be your mother.

Uncomfortable as this may be, do not feel ashamed or carry the guilt around because it is very natural to experience such emotions. As difficult as it may be, don’t allow the hate to ruin your relationship. Confront those feelings and deal with them together as a family with the help of a professional counsellor.

If that isn’t possible in case she is deceased or you haven’t spoken for years, self-reflect and find the root cause. This will kick start the healing process leading to forgiveness. When you decide to do so you release the burden off your shoulders allowing you to move forward.

Failure to face those demons in your closet may affect your relationships with others including your own children. It may lead to chronic stress, anxiety, bitterness and the breakup of your family due to the grudge you hold.

Extend that olive branch, forgive yourself as well and mend that broken relationship.

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