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Why single and married chicks shouldn’t be friends

 Know your boundaries [Photo: Courtesy]

When a woman gets married, there is stuff she needs to give up in order to adjust and maintain sanity in her new life. One of those many things should be cutting back on the bunch of unproductive friends, and unfortunately, unmarried women must top that list. Married and single women should never mix at all costs because they are at different chapters of their lives.

Now, there are those single ladies who are sensible and chilled, those I have no problem with. But then there are those “independent singles”, these are quite a handful to deal with even on a normal day so you can imagine the kind of mess they will drag along with them when they are in your life.  If you are married and still have a shred of sense left, walk away from these toxic women — like now. These are those friends who cling onto couples without an ounce of shame shoving failed marriage statistics down their throats every single minute.

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Married women who dream they continue keeping singles as their bosom buddies believing they’ll cause no harm must be high on weed. Let me not lie to you, a majority of those who publicly claim to be “single and happy” aren’t exactly that. Anyone who feels the need to proclaim their happiness isn’t really happy. And you know how misery loves company. They will be the ones feeding you with all kinds of sob stories of how so and so cheated or walked out of his home. They just want to plant that little tiny seed of doubt.  And you know how irrational most women are; just a little grain will blow up into a whole granary by dawn next morning. Next thing you know baba watoto is sleeping on the couch, then verandah and eventually he is deported from his home.

I believe any self-respecting unmarried lady will do the right thing and give new couples their well-needed space. People and situations change as soon as people tie the knot, and as a single woman, your contribution in that marriage should end on the day you look cute in that bridesmaid outfit on their wedding day. That is the exact point where your role ends. Go home - kwako!

What single women don’t understand is that their “expert opinion” isn’t needed in because you can’t advice on what you do not know. Yes, your married friend will come to you crying because of this and that, but your job is to pat her back as she weeps on your shoulder. Then let her make her own decision regarding the step she wants to do next. That is not the time to fan the fire with talk of “I told you so” “I knew this was going to happen” “you should leave him right now”.

Again married women should understand that the unmarried friend will always be the third wheel in your relationship and its better for everyone if you just let her go. You might love her so much to the point where you feel you should include her in everything including date nights or vacations but once she gets there; everything will be all about her.  You can’t act all mushy mushy with your bae because you don’t want her to feel so bad about being alone. Your attention shifts from your man to you trying hard to make her comfortable. To the point where your own man feels excluded like a man watching a lesbian flick.

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And there is always the possibility that you might be unknowingly inviting prey into your house because these things happen sometimes. Don’t allow toxicity into your life and always surround yourself with positive energies. Expecting friendships will always be the same when you have certainly moved into another step in life is pretty ridiculous. You cannot always bounce back from wrong choices because there are some mistakes that can’t be fixed. 

Remember, a private life is a happy life. Keep your circle small - preferably those walking the journey of marriage.

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