CONFESSIONS: Why I regret having an affair with her husband

He didn’t want to be seen in public with me. He said he preferred to keep our relationship on the “down low and private” but I know it was because he didn’t want to be seen with me. He never introduced me to any of his friends. I was his secret.

You see, I was the other woman in their relationship.

He is married with children. He has his own home and I live in a rented apartment. He said he would buy me a house; one day. Fat chance of that ever happening. He said he would buy me a car. Fat chance of that happening either. He said he liked what I did to him. He made me promises.

Our relationship started way back. I knew him from our childhood. He was that older guy I used to admire and he probably thought I was just a cute girl on the brink of womanhood. We wrote to each other while in school and kept in touch. Our communication had been sporadic until we finally met when he had settled with a family and climbing the ever-elusive ladder of success.

You can call me a bitch for breaking or almost breaking up his family but deep down I am not a bad person. Our affair started innocently. Don’t they all? I met his wife. She is a quiet person. Doesn’t talk much. Quite unlike him. She sent me a friend request on Facebook. I accepted it. I just wanted to see what she was about. She appears crazy and full of life there. Maybe I needed to get to know her better. Maybe we could have been friends.

It started with a polite drink. He said he needed some time out. Time out from what? From whom? He didn’t look happy then, so I took it upon myself to make him forget his troubles, which he did. He started hanging out with me more often. He never talked about his wife or his family. We talked about everything else apart from her. It was ok then.

I don’t know how we ended up in bed. Together. Bodies entwined in passion. He said it was a mistake and we would never repeat it. Fat chance huh? He came back. Every weekend. He always came back. Sometimes during the week. We ended up together so many weekends after that. At first, I felt guilty and so did he. Then it became second nature. It became normal. We started to “trust” each other and off went the protection. He said he trusted me and I told him the same. It didn’t matter. We trusted each other. We both knew it was just sex. I wondered if he made love to his wife. I wondered if she knew. I “unfriended’ her on facebook. I started to hate her. She had what I wanted. Why didn’t God give me such a man? I wanted HIM. I didn’t care if his family broke up. I wanted HIM and all he was providing. I wrote about my feelings on Facebook. I wrote about my “secret love”. I think I even loved him.

I missed my period. At first I thought it was because I was tired. A pregnancy test confirmed it. I was pregnant with his child. I was anxious. This wasn’t in the plan. I told him about it. He panicked. He wasn’t expecting this. He told me to get an abortion. I refused. I wanted to keep the baby, our baby. His wife noticed my growing belly and she started asking about it. I lied. I told her that “the father” and I broke up. I felt guilty. I couldn’t look her in the eye. She was being friendly. I couldn’t tell her we were sharing the same man. This same man who was taking care of my medical expenses. He was going to take care of me just like he was taking care of her. I finally was going to have what she had.

Our love child was born. He took care of me with regard to all expenses incurred. I was finally having what she was having. The first months were hard because he wasn’t with me to take care of our child. He made up for it by taking us out for “family” days on the weekends. At least he was with us. That’s what I kept telling myself. He was with us. Our little family.

I noticed the change a few months later. He started to distance himself. He stopped calling. He stopped taking us out for our weekend dates. He stopped being him. He stopped talking to us.

He eventually cut off ties with us. He abandoned us. He left us out in the cold. We stopped being a family. What had his wife done to him to change? What had his wife done? 

I started to hate him. I hated him for doing this to me. To us. I had to downgrade my living standards all because of him. I hated him. He had made me promises he didn’t keep!! That’s when the blackmail started. I threatened to tell his wife. He was scared. He gave in to my whims. At least we would have food. Life became difficult. We had made plans. We were to be a family. Life became unbearable. I hated him. He stopped talking to me. The only communication we had was through the standing orders he would effect to my bank account. Why was I the one to suffer this way? I would ask for ridiculous amounts of money and he would gladly give them to me. He had to be good for something, right? I decided there and then I would milk him for what he was worth and so I did.

He had lied to me, to us, and there he was having his forever after with his wife and family. Months later, things got desperate. I called his wife and asked her to meet me. He panicked. He thought I was going to tell her about us. She was pleasant. I think she had always been pleasant. I asked her to help me get a job. I was desperate. She said she would help where she could and she came through for me and got me a job. I didn’t even thank her or show my gratitude. I was finally on my way.

The best-laid plans are never really the best. I don’t know how long we thought we could keep this matter secret. What we had hidden for years, what we thought had been dead and buried came back to bite us in the ass recently. His wife sent me a text message saying that she knew about the affair. She did not abuse me. She did not call me. She sent me a text message. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I received it in the morning. That whole day, that was all I could think about. Was she crying? Was she sad? How did she find out? Was she devastated? Will this ruin their marriage? Is she broken? What about him? Was he kicked out of their marital home? What are they planning to do? Are they together?

You see, I am now a wife. I have other children with my now husband. I moved on with life. I love my husband. I live for my children. They are my everything.

 I can only imagine what she is going through. After all, I am also a married woman now. I can imagine the pain she is feeling. I can imagine how broken she is. I can imagine the hate she feels for me. I can only imagine. I don’t know if I will apologize. I don’t know if I can find it in me to apologize. What amount of “sorry” will repair that family? I don’t know. I can only imagine….