Kiganjo to be probed over ‘business school’ claims as socialites stalk cops

Following shocking revelations that most senior cops are millionaires, with millions of shillings lying idle in their bank accounts, the Government has formed a commission of inquiry to investigate the curriculum of Kiganjo Police College. This is after it emerged that the institution may not be dedicated to training cops after all.

“There is strong evidence that the college has ignored its core mandate, and has secretly been turned into a business school. The number of shrewd businessmen and millionaires, masquerading as cops and graduates from there is mind boggling.

The institution is giving Strathmore Business School and Harvard School of Business a run for their money. If the task force confirms that indeed the curriculum is for entrepreneurship instead of police training, heads will roll,” an official told journalists.

Meanwhile, a prominent five star hotel, inspired by the millionaire cops, is now planning to rename its presidential suites ‘superintedential suites’.

“It’s a mouthful, but it almost sounds like adding super to presidential to make super presidential suites...!” explained the hotelier behind the renaming.

Other names that had been considered include ‘commandantial suites’, ‘OCPD rooms’ and ‘inspectorial suites’. The renaming exercise is also expected to help market the suites to senior cops.

“Frankly we never thought they fitted in our target market... but thank heavens for the vetting... now we know this was a market niche we were ignoring... and honestly it was kind of dumb to call these suites presidential suites... there are not many presidents around here but we’ve got quite a number of super rich cops!” added the hotelier.

With the identification of a new target market, it now also means the hotel suites formerly known as presidential will no longer be monopolised by a few. “High flying businessmen will now have to fight it out with senior cops for these suites when they need to impress their mistresses on Valentine’s night!” predicted one wag.

 Police vetting

With the revelations from the police vetting exercise, it is now clear why few or no senior police officers venture into politics.

“I get amused when people say the best place to make money is in politics...” giggled a senior police officer who sought anonymity. “Of course, anyone who thinks so missed the police vetting, and his neighbours need to do a fundraiser to buy him or her a radio to keep up with the news.”

 Socialite friend requests

The revelations of the vetting has also opened another can of worms for senior cops – there has been a reported increase in socialites sending Facebook friend requests to senior cops. It has also left students and school leavers who are in the midst of choosing careers all confused.

“I thought I had it all figured out... become a ‘tenderpreneur’, MCA, MP or governor because that’s where the money is... then comes the revelation of how much these senior cops have in their bank accounts... and now I don’t know what to pick... when is the next police recruitment drive coming up by the way? I want to start saving for the ‘recruitment fee’?” posed a confused Form Four leaver.

The information emanating from the police vetting has also seen some MCAs, MPs and governors regret their career choices upon realising that perhaps theirs is not the most financially rewarding of public offices. Some are ready to quit so that they can bribe their way into the senior ranks of the police force.

And with the revelations, it’s now only a matter of time before headlines such as “Drama as top cop is busted fondling socialite at city hotel” or “Randy TV girl becomes senior cop’s third wife” hit gossip pages.