As the year comes to a close, KEVIN OGUOKO compiles gems from the local stars
Blonde moments
“Can I get an answer? Are you getting ma DMS (Direct Messages).” Marya
Context: Marya’s tweet to her then ex-boyfriend after an apparent break-up.
Verdict: Well, I guess in this case hashiki simu!
“I was told that nothing is ever off record with the media. So I’m gonna stay off.” Avril
Context: Avril refuses to give her opinion during a joint hangout between Ogopa DJs and Pulse crew.
Verdict: If you are always ‘Miss Behaving’ you would be cautious too.
“I would rather remain single for life,” -Bien, Sauti Sol.
Context: Bien after visiting a patient battered by the spouse.
Verdict: Blonde moment, if you actually had hair!
Hypocritical Octopus
“Doobie... Doobie... stupid!” Octopizzo
Context: One of the lines in his diss track, Njeri Doobeez. He also used it as an opening statement during the Sprite Slum Tour in a court full of people at Nyayo Stadium, Nairobi.
“It’s not good for people to use people’s names to gain fame. It is so cheap.” Octopizzo
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Context: A couple of months later during the Nokia Don’t Break the Beat auditions, Octopizzo claimed that Khaligraph was lame for using Frasha of P-Unit to climb the fame ladder.
Verdict: Too much talk not enough balls? Eight balls!
“Tell Avril I love her despite her hooking up with Jalang’o. And my new song Wacha Iende is dedicated to her,”- G-Kon
Context: Rapper phoned a couple of Entertainment journalists after learning of his apparent ex-girlfriend Avril having a fling with Jalang’o. He later conveniently released his new track and video, Wacha Iende.
Verdict: Way to ‘con’ your way to a hit song. Please wacha aende!
Comeback egos
“I consider myself to have a coach’s perspective, watching the other players from the sidelines,”- DNA
Context: DNA making a statement on how he views the industry now that he is back.
Verdict: So one-hit wonders make coaches? OK...
“No. There is no competition here. The Kenyan market is too small and my target is international market...” Bamboo.
Context: Bamboo’s interview on his apparent comeback.
Verdict: Well, why move away from your target audience?
“Hatujakuja kulaunch ma albums here. (We have not come to launch albums here).” Frasha of P Unit
Context: Frasha after Bamboo took too long on stage at the Nokia Don’t Break the Beat finals.
Verdict: Welcome back Bamboo!
The gospel truth
“He might claim his chain is expensive. I’m told he claims he bought it at the same place Jay Z buys his. Who believes that?” Ringtone.
Context: Ringtone’s beef with Jaguar over expensive bling.
Verdict: The Swahili saying maskini akipata matako hulia mbwata sums it up!
“My policy has always been that I should not go to such (clubs) events and I’m not really sure whether it was right for me to be there as it goes against my faith. I don’t smoke or drink. I was mistaken.”-Holy Dave
Context: This was two weeks before his pictures on a drinking spree surfaced.
Verdict: Doubt if the statement was made in a sober state of mind.
“I’m sorry, I apologise for being human.”- A-Star
Context: A-Star’s last statement on a 1,758 words-long open letter to Pulse after an expose of his ‘unholy’ drinking sprees complete with pictures in our gossip column.
Verdict: You should start with those words.
“We don’t talk. We met at the Kisima Awards. About the photo, I was standing there with my promoter, J Blessing when the chick grabbed me from nowhere. I wanted to refuse but Blessing told me, ‘we ni nini? Chukua photo na fan.’ From hapo, I heard that story.” Willy Paul.
Context: The gospel singer denying knowing Pendo, a girl rumoured to have had sex with him. His alibi, J Blessing, was not at the venue.
Verdict: Well, if you had doubts before, now you know!
Copycats
“I will not apologise or respond to nonsense that tries to imply I may have borrowed something from the Internet. I borrow from everything around me —cocktail parties I go to, baby showers, I borrow from drunkards, thieves, cab drivers and my housekeeper — I borrow from the lines of songs I listen to and tweets I read and even posts on Nicki Minaj’s FB wall...I am no copycat — I am the original and I’m different and that’s tough for some people to take.” Caroline Mutoko
Context: Caroline Mutuko defending herself against plagiarism charges.
Verdict: Ahem!
Chop my money
“Well, if they are complaining about that, what about our next video.” Taio Tripper.
Context: The Camp Mulla group member made the comments during their interview on Str8 Up.
Verdict: Talk of backing up your name with mulla.
“What’s that? Is he from Kenya? I have never heard of him.”
Context: Prezzo on Jaguar when which track was playing in the BBA House and housemates from other countries were singing along.
Verdict: Well, he is the president. Some amnesia is in order. Or is it selective?