My husband raped me

There is something really shameful going on in some marriages. We have men who mistreat their wives either through physical violence, insults, infidelity, shame, financial suppression or a warped interpretation of submission in marriage; this makes the wife not to desire sex and shamefully the husband forces himself on her sexually with the thinking of "I am married and should get my conjugal rights no matter what".

 

The wives who get raped tend to stay because they have concluded that society will judge them harshly for denying their husband sex and they have been damaged so much that they feel "Hey, it's just sex. Let him do what he wants and leave me alone" no matter how painful it is. Some don't have the strength to push him away because they get raped in the middle of the night whilst asleep and the husband is overpowering.

Their husbands rape them at their weakest during sleep and they wake up to a man inside them penetrating. For some, the damage goes deep because as their husbands rape them, they are reminded of how they were raped many years back by their uncles, cousins, pastor, brother, male friend, father or stepfather. Yes, it can be difficult being a woman in a society that says the man's needs come first and the woman's voice doesn't matter as much.

Gentlemen, we must learn to respect a woman's NO and not just in matters of sex.

If you are pursuing a woman and she says "NO" to you respect her boundaries.

If you buy a woman a gift and she declines it, respect her no and take back the gift.

If you offer a woman a ride in your car and she says "No thanks", accept her rejection of your ride.

If you are insisting on a married woman and she tells you "Leave my marriage alone", respect her and her husband.

If you are married and you are hitting on a woman and she tells you "Leave me alone", leave her in peace.

If you find a woman in a moment of vulnerability, don't take advantage of her hurt to make her say YES to you just to meet your short-term gain.

If you want to touch a woman and she tells you to stop, don't insist yourself on her, don't rub your body against her without her invitation. That is sexual harassment.

If you ask a woman for her money or you propose to her and she turns you down, don't fight her and call her names and brand her a prostitute just to selfishly damage her emotionally.

Respect her NO just like you want your NO to be respected. Respect her NO even if she won't give you her reasons for saying NO.

Don't be that male chauvinist who goes with the false philosophy that "A woman's NO is actually a YES";. don't choose for her.

A man of honor desires a woman's confident YES; he doesn't force it or assumes it. He shows her respect to the point that she invites him to be with her, to know her and to explore experiences with her.

 

Even in marriage, a man of honor treats his wife so good that she says "Make love to me". Women make love with their heart, take care of her heart and she will passionately give you her time, future, body and essence. A man of honor prides himself in giving his wife sexual pleasure and doesn't use her to get himself an orgasm.

 

Her YES means YES, her NO means NO.

 

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I walk with men through the journey of understanding themselves and their woman.

 

In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I walk with women through the journey of self-discovery.

 

© Dayan Masinde

 

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

 

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer