Riotous students to start windscreen repair business

BY MARK MUTAHI

KENYA: With protests by students at institutions of tertiary learning always ending up in immense destruction of property, a group of students drawn from various local colleges and universities have figured a way to make lemon out of lemonade.

This, they have done by identifying a business opportunity occasioned by the very same riots. Not manufacturing tear gas but supplying one of the things whose destruction has become a signature activity of student riots — motor vehicle windscreens.

Hearing the students speak about their business idea leaves one wondering which motorist, in their right mind, would not go rushing to seek their services.

Smashed

“Our unique selling proposition is very simple — who better to replace your broken windscreen than the guys who smashed it to smithereens?” pitched Huu Liggan, one of the student founders of the new business.

The students hope to offer a competitive price for their products and services.

“Being the cause of the damage in the first place, we are sensitive to that fact and will be offering an attractive price,” Huu, who also doubles up as the marketing manager— designate of the start-up revealed.

“This should encourage more motorists to drive by when we are on the rampage.

Because they are assured that even if we destroy their windscreens, they will get a competitive price to have it replaced.”

Slogan

Among the business names they are considering include ‘Smash Hit Limited’, ‘Dented Reputation Enterprises’, ‘Stone Throw Away Glassmart’ etc.

Tentatively, ‘If it isn’t broken, let’s break it and we will fix it for you!’ is the slogan they are working with.

As a show of strategic thinking, the students plan to set up their windscreen replacement businesses within a short distance of their institutions.

“Of course, you have to set up near your customer… our rioting stronghold is in and around our institutions.

The shops should also be within a walking distance, because the motor vehicle will not be in working condition anyway!” explained the marketing manager-designate.

And even before rolling out, the students already have expansion plans for the future well laid out.  “We intend to introduce panel beating services in future. This is because not all of us rioting students have the perfect aiming skills.

And we, sometimes, embarrassingly miss the windscreen, and hit the body, and this needs to be taken care of as well,” Huu said.

Evil laughter

And given the Kenyan culture of copying business ideas immediately one shows signs of success, the students have also come up with an uncommon way of dealing with potential competition.

“Well we have some strategies in place, but we are not revealing just yet,” confessed the marketing manager-designate before breaking into an evil laughter.

His laughter was so loud that left no doubt that anyone foolish enough to try and compete with the students, might find themselves turning into their customer instead when their property faces their wrath.

Like all good ideas this one came accidentally. 

“Initially, we had wanted to come up with a windscreen that bounces off stones thrown at it, but then we realised it would not be sustainable. Reason being everyone would get one and we would no longer have windscreens to smash,” admitted Huu.

“With nothing to break and no one to terrorise, there would be no incentive to riot anymore!” Huu concluded.