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Men lack commitment in relationships, but women overdo it

By By TONY MASIKONDE | September 23rd 2013


Last Thursday, I was having a drink with some female colleagues when Paul and Victor, long time pals from college, decide to barge into the party.

We explored all that ails our society starting with the political impasse on devolution, to everything else that affects our urban life. However, just when we are about to call it an evening well spent, Victor touched a very raw nerve — couple’s relationship. This immediately called for another round of drinks.

“The phrase ‘run for the hills’ is usually used when a man needs space… fresh air, which guys need desperately to survive in relationships these days,” claimed Victor, stirring deep-seated opinions from the looks around the table.

“Women must learn the delicate balance between being a girlfriend and being a wife,” he blurted.


According to him, some women get so committed into relationships that they smother it to death.

“If lack of commitment is the male flaw, then over-commitment is its female equivalent. Take the politics about food, for instance,” continued Victor, veins bulging on his face. “Getting a woman who can cook is an asset, especially because women of this generation are not kitchen savvy. But miss her dinner and you are in big trouble,” Victor maintained, much to the anger of the three women who by now were drilling his face, as if it were a patch of land in Turkana.

“It’s true. She cooks you eat. And when you don’t, then someone else is feeding you.

 The universal interpretation is that you are having an affair,” Paul declared. “No matter how late you get home or how blotted your stomach is, if you know what’s good for you, better gobble down that dinner — in mighty chunks — even if it tastes like tar!”

“For the women, living with a man doesn’t relegate you to play housewife. For goodness sake, why should you be stuck in the kitchen in a world of energy and time-saving devices?” asked Victor, as he stared at the women.

I was surprised none of them had uttered a word, and this worried me most since Stella — one of them —  is easily persuaded into letting wine glasses fly every time she is mad.

 “Cook out of love, not out of duty,” Paul insisted. “Problem is, once a woman is assured of a man’s commitment, she quickly falls into the wifely role and starts dreaming about that wedding. Should the table clothes match the flowers? Zanzibar or Masai Mara?

The mistake women make is that they stop being your buddy and transform into wife-in-waiting,” Victor points out.

“Most men know what they want when they get into relationships: Sex, food and peace (read silence). But women, on the other hand, are never sure of what they want in the relationship. So before you put them in the house, think of the consequences because as you know by now, choices have consequences,” Victor warned.

“So are you suggesting that we should deal with the fact that men are wired to irresponsibly sow their sorry seed then run for the hills and leave us to deal with the mess?” one of the women hissed.

Victor, unfortunately, was in no state to answer because he was staggering to the washrooms.


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