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Of women who lose their identity in the name of love

By By SHIRLEY GENGA | September 16th 2013


Love is a wonderful thing. When one is in love, everything looks like rainbows and butterflies, and I do agree it is something to be celebrated, but sometimes women take the “I got a man” thing too far.

So unromantic, I know! But hear me out — and see if you cannot relate. Sometimes having a man just brings out the absolute worst in some women and they seem to get infected with I-got-a-man syndrome.

They indulge in all manner of actions and inactions that often affect others, then they hide behind the excuse that they have a man, and then think it is a sufficient excuse when, in fact, it’s not. Top on my pet peeves list of I-got-a-man syndrome are those women who, all of a sudden, forget they have a brain and free will just because they have a man.


That woman who cannot change her hair style or nail colour, until she consults her man. Or a woman who can’t go for an out-of-town weekend with her girlfriends, just because she doesn’t have permission from her man (yes, because the world might just end if she goes!). Alternatively, a woman who wants to do her Masters but will not commit to it until her man tells her it is okay, really!

Then second on my list are women who get amnesia and quickly disown their friends all in the name of love.

We have all witnessed that lady who begins a relationship when she has a long list of girlfriends, but who slowly whittles down the number until she has no friends, her excuse: I got a man.

In fact, often it seems that the more some women fall in love, the less room they have for their friends. What is even more tragic is that these same women who are quick to disown their own friends in the blink of an eye, often try to force themselves onto their man’s circle of friends. What a lot of women fail to realise is that the same men they are willing to give up their friends for hold on to their boyz as if the world depended on it.

Away from the ‘amnesia group’ or I-gave-up-my-brain-for-love bunch, there are the extremist, the women who completely do a 360 degree change every time cupid strikes. This group seems to go through an unnatural metamorphosis when they get into a relationship.


Every time they get into a relationship, they change in order to suit the man they are dating; today they are queen of the bar, but once they start dating Mr Church, they transform into Sister Mary. They once despised football, but all of a sudden their best hangout is going to Nyayo Stadium or Kasarani to watch football, yet they could not tell an offside if it hit them in the face.

And the worst crime in the name of love, are the women whose lives only revolve around the object of their affection at the expense of everything else even themselves. Often to the point where they give up their individual identity to take up their man’s identity.

In the end, however, the joke is on us women because men always stay true to their identity, friends and dreams while we are busy changing ourselves to please them!


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