Good investment for the amorous

By Edward Indakwa

Even for the Japanese, and they have a penchant for picking weird names for their children, calling him Shingo Hashimoto was a mistake. Now see what he’s done.

Apropos of nothing, Mr Shingo, 37, last week dangled his one-year old baby through the window of a high-rise building like Michael Jackson once did. But unlike the King of Pop, Shingo deliberately wanted to break the toddler’s neck. That’s why he flung the toddler out of the window, down ten floors.

Unfortunately for him, while God may have turned his back on widows and orphans (they are the ones most likely to get raped these days), He still has a fond spot for drunkards and babies. How else would you explain habitual alcoholics getting home every night without the foggiest idea how they navigated the journey in the dark?

But back to baby Shingo. What happened is the tough, little tyke landed on some shrubbery. Police officers who happened on the scene only found him in tears – not a scratch, not a bone broken. As you read this, Mr Shingo is assisting police with investigation. Down here, we would have broken his sorry neck and continued discussing politics.

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Let’s, however, retrace how this outrage happened. Shingo could have been walking down the street when he saw this bewitching Japanese Geisha, a beauty like no other. He hurried over, smiled, waved, begged for her phone number and befriended her on Facebook.

He sweet-talked her into buying her coffee, then took her to a movie. Then they had dinner and sex. Maybe just once, perhaps many times. Who knows or cares?

The critical thing is, somewhere along the line, he forgot one thing: Condoms. Not surprisingly, she forgot to remind him about it, or do the responsible thing and walk over to a clinic for family planning pills (Japan’s economy might not be very strong these days, but am sure their clinics can afford a pill or a condom for women or men in distress).

She was pregnant

The end result is she woke up one morning and whispered, "Shingo, darling? We need to talk." She was pregnant.

If my memory serves me right, abortion is legal in Japan and the impregnator picks the tab, which was about 300,000 yen in 2002. I bet Shingo was flat broke or he didn’t want to spend the money, which is how she ended up giving birth to baby Shingo.

Now flashback to last Thursday in Tokyo. Shingo is standing by a window on the tenth floor of a high-rise building, seized by some maniacal madness. Baby Shingo is gargling happily, secure that he is safe in daddy’s hands. But before he can say mummy, his father has flung him out of the window, murder on his mind.

Morale of the story? If you intend to get drunk and amorous this Christmas holiday, don’t be like Shingo Hashimoto. Have the good sense to invest Sh30 in a packet of condoms.