Emotional letter to my daughter - 'What words can I use to express myself to you?'

Dearest,

What words can I use to express my love for you?

The best I can do is scramble imperfect fragments to loosely articulate something of value. I wanted my words to be the first human words addressed to you. I realise that if I do not address you, everything else will.

At this moment I will also want you to know I cannot for sure say where your mama is but I have an idea who she might be. I can only assure you I will find a woman that could captivate and win my heart at "Hello”. One who will love us.

But this is not her letter, it is your letter. It’s only that I have to write it with her to make it complete. As I sit here this evening with my cup of café latte I can't help but wonder why God has chosen me to be your keeper, but I promise to you and Him I will protect you and love you with everything I have in my soul.

I wonder what kind of person you'll be someday and how I'm going to take it when you first let go of my hands to walk by yourself...but rest assured even in just walking you'll never be alone. I'll always be there to catch you if you fall.

I also wonder what your first words will be and what colour you'll like best. These are questions I've never asked myself and I'm so excited to find it all out! Sweetheart. I want you to always remember that I loved you before I met you and that love will always be unconditional. I probably shouldn't say this but I'm a little scared. First things first, I want you to know that your mum and I will always be so proud of you, and we will do everything in our power to give you a good life. Not through material things. We want your needs to be met, but we also want to teach you about things that matter most – God, family, learning and life.

We want to teach you about love, loyalty and friendship and to treat others with kindness and respect, no matter what they can do for you. The world that you are coming into has a way of competing for everything that is precious. And you, little one, are our most precious prize. The world will compete for your attention. It will long for your affection. When it does not receive your undying loyalty, it will move on to people that waiver.

You may then feel left out and find yourself wishing to be like everyone else. This is normal. We will work through it. We want you to know that your parents are both imperfect vessels. We dare not claim to be “better” than the world, but we also dare to claim just that. You will be a miracle to us.

Of course, the masses will assume that you are inevitable after a few years of marriage. The masses assume that timely progression dictates certain milestones. However, we are beyond convinced that you have been loaned to us from your Maker. We do not own you. We give you back to God and allow Him to work in you – not based on our ideas of parenting and success – but based on His Hand in your life.

We have always dreamed of being your parents, but we must admit that this task is a bit daunting. We struggle with control and anxiety. Your dad pretends to be nonchalant, but deep down remains the residue of a not-so-easy life that has forced him to hustle. Your mom can be fearful of the unknown and will try to sometimes control things. We are both being worked on, so please be patient with us.

We promise to be open-minded. We promise to listen to you always. Now let’s be honest: we are not the type of people where anything goes. Quite the contrary. However, you will push us to places and ideas that we probably thought were impossible. We welcome this but beware of some stubborn resistance. We will have help. You have many uncles and aunties. You already have so many friends. Maybe you will have all of your biological grandparents. One of your great grandmas is in heaven but I will teach you her discipline and make sure you grow with her resilience to life.

I have a gut feeling that you may be like her. I want to see her in you when you grow, for she was a good woman - the best I ever met after our mothers (mine and yours, wink). You are a mix of cultures and traditions – it’s going to be fun! You are coming to us in a time where this world is messier than ever. The times appear dark, and hope is elusive.

We will teach you to function differently. We will teach you everything we know about God, and you will probably teach us equally. We believe that you will be a beacon of light everywhere you go. You will be one of God’s agents of transformation and love. You will be one who hears faint sounds; you will hear the whispers of treasure; you will know melodies and the very voice of the Most High.

Along with all your strengths will come many weaknesses. You will learn to deal with all of them and come out victorious. We will do our best to guide and protect you. You may not always like it. But know that every single decision we make every piece of discipline that we enforce…will come from a place of deep love and care for you and the life that we are responsible for shaping. Dearest, I hope that I can teach you to not worry too much about what other people think or what society expects of women.

People-pleasing is a soul-crushing disease that I hope to help you avoid. There are times in my life where I zigged when I should've zagged or acted when I should've shown patience and I can already feel that overwhelming feeling of you making me a better person. Girl, you're going to be loved by so many, you're not going to know what to do with it all! Sweetheart you and your mom will be unequivocally the best part of me and no matter what age you grow to be.

You'll always be our little girl. Your mum and I (though worlds apart) we think of you every second, and we long for the day to meet you. There is so much I want to say, but for now, I leave you with this:

“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being formed in secret, intricately and skillfully formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in your book were all written the days that were appointed for me, when as yet there was not one of them [even taking shape]. (Psalm 139:16-17).

As you form, there is one who watches you. May you watch Him.

With all our love, see you soon angel.