Be warned, kept men have an expiry date

Last weekend, I got involved in some interesting discussion with some young men. Based on their dress and lingo, they must be in their late 20s to mid-30s. Our discussion got around to the topical issue of men moving in with women and men being ‘kept’ (or supported) by women.

I was hoping these men would be totally against the concept of kept men since it goes against all norms of African maleness.

You can imagine my shock when most of them expressed no opposition to the idea and even said they are looking for women to look after them.

For those who may doubt this position, look at this ad posted in one of our dailies: “Kevin, aged 33 in Nairobi is looking for a rich financially stable sugar mummy, HIV negative, who is tall, good looking, with nice curves from 70kgs and above.”

Laugh or cry

I did not know whether to laugh or cry when one of the men actually said I looked like I needed his services and he would be happy if I decided to keep him.

Based on the above and all observations around me, we can safely say kept men are a reality today.

We can also say many kept men have short shelf lives, unlike kept women and slay queens. So today, I want to offer some simple tips for kept men or those who want to be kept.

For those men who decide to be kept, they need a full job description from their keeper.

You see, kept men exist for various reasons which could include dredging out blocked carnal passages, serving as errand boys, serving as accessories to family reunion and in some rare cases marriage might be on the cards.

Once a man has been provided with his job description he must make all efforts to meet his keeper’s needs - from taking care of his body to being good at taking orders at times and being invisible when necessary.

Many a kept man have lost their ‘plum’ positions because they have not stuck to their job description – for example showing up at an office party while you have been tasked to deal only with running errands.

For 100 per cent clarity, it is important that job description conversations happen without the influence of alcohol or sex. Once the work and working hours have been identified, establish the level and frequency of reward and compensation.

There is no standard template or pay for kept men - it depends on quality of service rendered and the satisfaction of the woman. Whatever the case, it is in the interest of the kept man to be fully aware of his pay.

Standard template

Some kept men prefer to be paid through rental payments for their residences, some through provision of monthly allowances, some through holidays and trips abroad with others preferring random credits to M-Pesa account.

Of course, the ultimate prize for a kept man is when the said woman allows him to move in and benefit from free accommodation, use of the car and other domestic privileges.

Once a man decides to pursue the journey of being kept, he loses a few privileges.

Some women will claim to love their kept man, but we can tell you for free women have a deep-seated resentment of men who do not do manly stuff like pay bills and take care of business.

We agree that modern day women are liberated enough to know they can splash their money to get a man to do their bidding - but deep inside they still have some reservations.

That is why kept men must develop a thick skin to deal with their keepers who from time to time may resort to verbal abuse, sanctions and withholding of pay to reinforce their position in the relationship.

Kept men must be ready to be punished for errant behaviour that is determined by whatever mood their keeper is in. To make matters worse, kept men must be ready for the usual backlash and ruining of reputation that comes when family and friends realise their preferred way of life.

We might be in the 21st century, but many kept men have trouble convincing family that real love can exist between richer, older women and younger men – just because it has become common knowledge that such relationships are all about transfer of resources not of love.

However, if the benefits accruing to the kept man are generous, he can comfortably ignore the naysayers.

Expiry date

Finally, kept men must realise they have an expiry date by which they might be tired of their keeper or their keeper might be tired of them.

The important thing is to put an exit plan in place for it can be quite traumatic to suddenly change residences or means of transport.

It is also crucial to avoid premature expiry dates by avoiding the things that could really tick off your keeper. Women keepers do not take kindly to infidelity, theft of funds and other such misdemeanours.

There are some who have been known to send men to the kerb when they notice loss in physical appeal and performance.

Let us just say women keepers are super territorial and are very unforgiving and very fast in withdrawing reward and compensations.

In these harsh economic times, being a kept man is viable option - but it is just as risky as it is rewarding. - [email protected]