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Chamas. This is a foreign word that all Kenyan men are trying to decipher. Long ago, it used to be an ensemble of women who had common financial goals and thus had to pull their resources together to achieve it. Chamas have now become the perfect excuse for wives to come back home at midnight, with a foul smell of the brown bottle and cursing like the devil's agents. What do these women really discuss?
1. Kaplot deal: Nairobi women are literally buying ‘Kenya’. Some chamas invest in buying parcels of land across Kenya in areas like Kitengela, Kamulu, Syokimau and recently Isiolo. Strength of a woman.
2. Husbands drama: After winding up discussing finances and investment, the women usually down a kingfisher or two and bass! They start discussing the drama they have with their hubbies and their mpango wa kando. Their complaints will rent the air but alas, they return home to them! Mapenzi ni sumu!
3. Ben 10: I am not talking about cartoons here! This is the updated vocabulary for a gigolo! A man who feeds and depends on a woman (mostly rich and married) for survival. These women have a string of gigolos whom they pump there hard earned cash in exchange for fimbo ya musa!
4. Betting drama: Sports betting has become such a craze that some men use their toto’s school fees to bet. Saitan! After the losses, the women have to bear the grunt and of course vent out their frustrations in chamas.
5. Contraceptives: Every woman has her own preference when it comes to planning a family. The various methods are discussed and especially the ugly side effects like gaining weight and losing appetite for bedminton
6. The nasty boss: The irritating moody boss is discussed in length as it is usually hard to do this in an office set up. Any scandal in his/ her personal life that has surfaced will be debated upon for three hours!
7. Mushene ya estate: No estate in Nairobi is drama free. From the jobless corner youths who bum all day and the laz, idle housewives who cause drama kwa ploti and post outrageous posts in Kilimani Mums all day. Chama meetings provide an avenue for women to exchange udaku!
8. Home wrecking discussions: These women discuss dubious ways of cheating on your husband without getting caught! They exchange contacts of exclusive discreet apartments where no GPS (read hubby) can track them. Lungula styles are also analysed in depth… Dunia inakwisha
9. Slim possible manenos: After drowning several brown bottles and feasting on a young lamb somewhere in Kitengela, these women still wonder why the utambis never reduce even after sweating off in the gym once a month- irony! And so all detox methods will be discussed and the new plank moves by Jillian Michaels.
10. Toy pleasure: they will debate on which one causes more thunder, the electric or non-electric and how to wrap them nicely with the folded bed sheets and voila! The man of the house will never find out!
