Why men should be rescued from women who drink like fish

 Women both in Nairobi and other parts of Kenya are becoming alcoholics     Photo: Courtesy

There are three classes of women who put me off, almost - those who pepper their foods, those who drive pricey SUVs (especially a Range Rover) and those hooked on the bottle. These unladylike behaviours rob women of the dignity of being romantic.

For no right thinking man sees a woman in a Range and says, ‘hey I wanna have that.’ Rather, we fear the authority the machine oozes and see her as a sexless automaton, not any different from the men driving such machines, who are mostly mean and sexually frustrated creatures.

Among men, we know those who drive big cars are making up for their phallic shortcomings. But since I do not own a car, nor know how to drive, permit me my Kenyan right to be prejudiced. And on culinary delights, lately I have noticed that what 20 years ago might have been culinary sacrileges in the cultural sense, are now the norm.

You see, women now eat gizzards, roast goat meat and kachumbari and more curiously, are immune to pepper, even the small and green very hot type that makes your tongue and the roof of your mouth burn like the hottest corner of hell. That takes me to the functional female alcoholic.

If you live in a city like Nairobi and you drink, you must at least know a woman who is a functional alcoholic. You know, the breed that serve you whisky in her pad or that office colleague who drinks from Wednesday to Monday. She has grown from taking wine and sweetened fruity beer to dry whisky.

She is mostly frustrated with life and men, has dabbled in lesbianism and given up and has no drive whatsoever in life. She is probably skinny, or overweight, never in the normal range of weights. Often, she is a mother, the reason she is yet to get a man who will pump some sense of responsibility into her.

We live in denial. At the moment, alcoholism is widely regarded as a Central Kenya problem. We forget about elite alcoholics who are just as messed up. Increasingly, women, both in Nairobi and other parts of Kenya, are becoming alcoholics.

I have visited a sinful den in one of Nairobi’s posher estates that comes to life at 6am on Sundays, and the number of women I saw there was startling. The sight of a woman taking shots of Irish whiskey on Sunday morning when churches are being opened is a hard one to take in.

Why are women also getting hooked on the bottle? Stress is an obvious answer. According to the Bible, women are predisposed towards getting  married, regardless of what single ladies in successful careers preach. But where are the men? All they have are their 30-something old men in pimped up, noisy blue Subarus with exhaust pipes big enough to serve a cruise a ship.

Besides, women tend to have high standards regarding the men they prefer as they grow up. Only a few are able to face the reality and take in any man who looks like he can pay the bills, donate sperms.

Also, too much disposable income with no sense of responsibility can drive people to alcoholism. In a city like Nairobi whose only recreational options are alcohol and sex, more women with money will definitely take up the vice. But the consequences are drastic. For we know from experience that alcohol corrodes their reproductive systems, sometimes irreparably. It is time women learnt to spell the word ‘moderation.’

As a society, we need to self-examine ourselves. Behind the scandalously huge profits that breweries make are men and women who are hurrying into their graves at the peak of their lives. Think about it.