Cowardly Kakamega drunk who raised false alarm clobbered after ruining neighbours' sleep

There was a light moment at Juakali estate in Kakamega County when an alleged cowardly drunk was subjected to ‘Calvary treatment’ for falsely raising the alarm, and ruining his neighbours’ good night sleep.

The tipsy man, only identified as Wesa, staggered home in the dead of the night and clumsily attempted to unlock his door in vain. The man, determined to gain access and rest his tired bones, put up a spirited struggle.

Unfortunately, when he flung open the door, it hit a nearby chair and slammed back in his face.

The man panicked and bolted at maximum speed, wailing that thugs had raided his house, and were even blocking him from accessing it.

He banged on neighbours’ doors and windows, claiming that he was under attack and asking them to come to his rescue.

“Wuuuwi! Wuuuwi! Weziii...Kujeni munisaidie! Wakora wananimaliza na nyinyi mnalala! Wuuuuwi! (There are thieve in my house! Come rescue me! Thugs are about to kill me while you guys are fast asleep!),” Wesa wailed.

Caring neighbours woke up and stormed the crime scene, armed with all manner of crude weapons ready to deal with the thugs.

“Where are they! Where are the thugs?” a neighbour armed with a mallet bellowed as he charged towards Wesa’s house.

The scared and shivering Wesa remained speechless, only pointing a finger in the general direction of his house from a safe distance.

Meanwhile, a resident had called police who arrived after a short while, ready for combat.

“Where are the crooks, bwana?” hissed a visibly angry neighbour, baying for blood after going through the house in vain. In the mean time, the cowardly Wesa, still watching from a distance, remained speechless.

 Drunk alarmist

Police arrived, and after assessing the situation, left dismissing Wesa as a cowardly, drunk alarmist. “Wakenya ni waoga sana! Bure kabisa! (Kenyans are such cowards! Useless!),” one of the policemen said, gesturing at Wesa with a tired wave of the hand.

Immediately the police vehicle zoomed away, pissed off neighbours began taunting Wesa, demanding to know why he was such a coward, yet he is a man.

 Hot slap

“How dare you, a grown up man, wail like a woman? You are responsible for all that noise and our scared children who are crying,” hissed an angry woman as she pointed a threatening finger towards Wesa.

Probably, had he answered politely or taken the taunts in stride, it would have been a different case. But a seemingly mouthy Wesa kept firing back, rather rudely.

However, the melon that broke the monkey’s back was a dismissive jeer Wesa made.

“I did not force anybody to wake up! If anything, I was asking men to come rescue me; I didn’t wake up any woman or children!” he sneered.

Hardly had he finished blubbering, than the woman gave him a hot slap that opened the floodgates for countless thwacks, kicks, blows and canes from other furious neighbours. It took the intervention of a few neighbours who pleaded with the others to forgive him, amid wails and howls from Wesa promising to be more considerate and mindful.