Pastors’ wives, reclaim your positions, and save us from these randy priests!

 Woman praying in church        Photo: GettyImages

Where do Kenyan pastors find the energy to engage in all manner of extra-pastoral sexual activity? How do these married, middle-aged men of the cloth find it so easy to service, as it were, so many of their female laity? Some have blamed the churchgoers: Kenya is not the most modestly-dressed of countries, and it is true that more than a few women will go to church dressed specifically to tempt and then ensnare the pastor. Those lucky pastors!

Still, there are other pastors who simply cannot control their hungers for the flesh. One cannot blame it on the women’s dressing or temptation when even female church cleaners, dressed in blue overalls and smelling of disinfectant, are swiftly added to the pastors’ check-list of sexual conquests.

The blame, it appears, needs to go to the people who should sap that energy in the first place: pastors’ wives. The wives of Kenyan pastors are generally a lazy lot. They have been resting on their laurels for too long, and too many of them are just content to sit back, grow fat and see their names listed alongside those of their husbands on the banners advertising one or other miracle crusade.

This laziness appears to have extended to the bedroom, and it is clear that these wives, most of them fat and lacking the skills and dexterity to properly quench the pastoral fires of their husbands, are failing in their duties.

The blame, then, must begin to be laid at the feet of the spouses of randy clerics. After all, if the pastor’s wife was doing her job properly in all senses of the phrase, but especially in the bedroom, regularly and ruthlessly, would the pastor have the energy to even look at this flock in a suggestive manner? Pastors’ wives, reclaim your positions, get to work, and save us from these randy priests!