7 tips on how to make your new romance flourish

Starting a new relationship after the end of a marriage or long-term partnership can be daunting.

So we asked psychologist Sophia Ledingham for her top tips on making your new romance flourish…

1. Learn from your mistakes

What can you take away from your past relationship to help your new romance? Make a list of all the good and bad points, and try to stick to the good ones.

Most people learn from their failed partnerships and are more mindful of how they behave with someone new. Indeed, research shows that those who enter marriage for the second time invest more.

2. Keep your ex in check

As they say, two’s company and three’s a crowd. Not that you’ll be inviting your ex on your dates, but just be careful of talking too much about him or her. It’s a given that you have a past and it’s normal to mention them now and again, but frequent references to your ex- whether positive or negative - can send a message that you’re not really over them and not ready for a new relationship.

3. Create new traditions           

Be careful of taking your new guy or girlfriend to the same places you went to with your ex. Our environment sub-consciously gives us behaviour reminders, so if your last relationship didn’t have the best dynamic, revisiting old haunts might reawaken bad habits. If you went to the pub quiz every Wednesday, try a salsa class instead.

4. Smile

And smile some more. This will help you to be more positive and upbeat, which is a great combination – and research shows smiling can actually make you look younger! Positive emotion catches, so as you re-enter a new relationship be sensitive to the impact of your attitude. A smile and optimistic outlook will prime the relationship for romance.

5. Make a plan for bed

No longer in the first flush of young love, you can be more grown-up (if you want) about when to make love. Consider when the right time is for you to have sex. There’s no hard and fast rule. If you find yourself mistrustful of your new partner’s commitment or intent, then hold out until they introduce you to their friends or family.

6. Protect yourself           

Make sure you're happy when dating

As you know, not all liaisons last or pan out as you hoped, so keep yourself busy with meaningful activities outside the relationship. Whether it’s learning new skills, signing up to a club or spending time with others who make you feel good. This way, you’re not dependent on the success of the romance for a positive sense of self.

7. Open up with your kids

It’s amazing what they pick up. There’s little point trying to hide a new romance from hormonal teens, or young adults. I would recommend keeping it real and reminding them – and yourself – that you’re having fun, but you’re not sure it will last forever (or even for the next year).