My husband has infected me with HIV

I’ve been married for six years, we have a four-year-old son and I’m five months pregnant. About one month ago on my regular clinical visits, I discovered I was HIV positive.

The doctor talked to me at length and encouraged me to tell my husband. Up until today, I have not had the strength or courage to tell him about this. I have never been unfaithful to him and we went for a test about five years ago, which was negative.

I’m depressed and worried about who is going to take care of my children when we are dead. The biggest problem remains telling him about this. How do I do this? Knowing him, he will claim that I’m the one who infected him, especially because I travel a lot for work and he does not like it. He has even influenced his family to talk me into resigning, so I can focus on my family.

Please help me deal with this. I”m sure he will put all the blame on me and chase me away. {Leah}

Your take

Your situation is unfortunate, but you have a long life ahead of you. HIV is just a condition and you still have a chance to achieve your dreams. Get someone close to your husband and tell him or her to help you disclose your status to him. {Zachary Githaiga}

Being positive is not the end of the road, but the beginning of positive living. When one is right, they should not be afraid to tell the truth. Also, do not draw conclusions about his reaction. He may already be in the know, but has chosen to keep quiet. Either way, it is important that he gets tested, but the truth will have to be told. {Ouma Ragumo}

Leah, people die from different causes most of which are not Aids. The sooner you tell him the better. If he chases you, then you have enough time to find yourself, plan your life, and know you are not alone in this. {Tasma Charles}

Being HIV positive does not necessarily mean that you are going to die. Ask him that you go and be tested together. {Kilo Wa Mutua}

He is the one who infected you and that is why he is keeping quiet about this. He is afraid to tell you. Tell him the truth for the sake of the children. {Wilberfoce Atsiaya}

Leah, make arrangements with the doctors to break the news to your husband, accompanied with thorough counselling. Don’t live in fear because, may be, he is also aware of your status and has the same fear. {Ses Ochieng}

My take

Leah, in such circumstances your strongest defence is your conscience. If your conscience is clear, there is no need to worry about the repercussions. For sure it is not possible to know who infected the other and it doesn’t help anyway.

The focus should be on moving forward. It would be prudent for you to share this issue with him also for his own sake. He needs to be tested as well and the doctors will advice you accordingly, depending on the outcome of the results.

I also encourage you to keep your mind open and talk to him about this. He may actually turn out to be the opposite of what you expect — he may become supportive of you and even take a lead in managing the situation. You ought to tell him because it is the right thing to do.

With the right medication and following a doctor’s advise, you can live with the virus for a long time, especially if you avoid the trap to quick death — spreading it in revenge. If you get into the process of spreading the virus, you will not live to see the next General Election after this one.

Focus on your wellness and health, which will include having protected sex with your husband. Just last week, I was talking with a woman who has lived positively for 16 years and I actually got to see the primary difference between the people who live for long and those that die almost immediately — it is all about attitude and mind-set.