Unhealthy sexual demands in marriage
By - Zawadi Lompisha | September 29th 2012
By Zawadi Lompisha
Mary met me the other day to share a concern she had with her marriage of three years. It revolved around her husband’s insatiable appetite for sexual relations that seemed unnatural to her.
“He seems to constantly be in this desperate need for sex every day and will sulk for a whole week when I’m on my periods.
“I recently had to go through some gynaecological procedure where my gynaecologist stated that we were to have no intimacy for ten days and he actually called my gyna to ascertain that I was not cheating!” she explained.
She went on to say that for those ten days he made it very clear that he thought she was to blame for his misery and made life quite unbearable for her.
This led me to thinking about unhealthy practices in marriage. My view on the matter is that this addictive behaviour is as a result of the unhealthy environments that men allow themselves to get into. A recent study, for instance, has shown that in one country in Asia, more than 80 per cent of boys and men indulge in pornography! Would you believe it?
Can you then imagine, what kind of husbands they are when they come home in the evening? They will want to engage in sexual behaviour, not because of their great desire for their wives, but to fulfill their sexual addictions and fantasies. They will even have crazy demands on their wives as they pursue this and I do not think there is any woman who will show any enthusiasm towards her man in such an instance.
It is of course, not an excuse, for a wife to deny her husband his conjugal rights by agreeing to do it only once a week. That is unhealthy, however, a husband must also learn to control his libido when the situation demands it.
Related to this, and which is equally unhealthy, is the fact that most married couples do not discuss intimacy matters. I know of very few husbands who will allow their wives to make any comments on their performance in bed or express any kind of dissatisfaction. There appears to be an unwritten rule that a husband’s performance cannot be discussed, and if it is, it then becomes a good recipe for serious disagreement. Their egos cannot take it.
Well, I have news for all husbands out there; if you, perhaps, allowed some input from your wife on improving bed room matters, you would probably find that you cannot cope with demands on you, when she knows you are in it for her as well!
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