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The place of romance in marriage

By By Zawadi Lompisha | August 18th 2012

By Zawadi Lompisha

“The trouble with you and this romance story is that you read too many novels that are completely out of context!” My husband retorted the other day.

“Which context are you referring to?” I asked in rejoinder.

Let me give you a back ground to this exchange. It was a Saturday morning and my husband and I were out in town window-shopping for some household stuff we wanted to buy. As we walked around, I took his hand in mine and wondered aloud why he wasn’t romantic enough to reach out for my hand without my having to do so first.

His response was that my idea of romance was foreign and based on novels I had read, which were premised on a culture foreign to our own. He couldn’t understand why I would want to impose such things on him.

“So does it mean that our culture is not romantic?” I went on to ask.

“I didn’t say that.”

“So how do we display romance?” I wasn’t about to yield.

Try as he might, he was unable to give me an answer, but thankfully, at least for me, he did not pry his hand from mine. Since then, I have been trying to figure that one out.

The essence of romance, I would say, is not to prove to your husband or wife that you love them. I would imagine that the fact that you agreed to marry them should be enough of an indicator that you do. In fact, a couple that sees the need to keep proving their love for each other probably needs to ask themselves what is wrong with the marriage.

Romance, to me, is the icing on the cake. A wedding fruit cake would be sweet enough without any adornment on it. However, a well-decorated fruit cake, with delicately molded icing, brings out the best in it and complements the whole wedding reception by taking centre stage in its gazebo.

Likewise, a husband and wife who are committed to each other will have a good relationship that will last the travails of life. However, when you flavour it with some romance, the couple is cocooned into a world where, as a song once said ...two hearts beat as one and a seamless camaraderie lifts them into euphoria of joy in each other.

So is romance only restricted to novels written by foreign writers?   Why should it be? Which woman would not want to be swept off her feet by their dashing suitor’s romantic advances?

My dear husband certainly would give himself a serious ego boost if he could; by a word, a touch, a glance or a hint turns my knees into wobbly jelly.


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