May-December relationships

By Tricia WanjalaLast week on air, a radio presenter asked about Mariah Carey’s marriage to a younger man, "do you think this one will last?"The cynicism in her voice showed that in her view this would be another celebrity divorce in no time. The marriage of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, aged 42 and 27 at the time was another Hollywood gossip column item. I thought about this topic for some time because it always seems to raise eyebrows when a couple who havsa large age difference get together. A few years ago, Wambui Otieno and her young husband’s union caused a spate of reactions from critics and fans alike. Today when we see a couple around and we notice an age gap, it usually takes a lot of self-control not to turn and stare. What exactly makes a May-December relationship? Why are they so controversial? Do they work?RespectedA May – December relationship is referred to by many terms, the most politically correct one being "age-gap" relationships. They basically refer to a union whereby the two have an age difference of at least eleven years.. The range is very wide, including, for example the celebrity couple Tony Randall and Heather Harlan. Heather is 50 years younger. Donald Trump is 28 years older than his current wife. His ex-wife Ivana, is 24 years older than her current spouse. Clint Eastwood’s wife is 35 years younger – his eldest daughter is actually her senior. Yet, in spite of the mixed reactions and great publicity these unions evoke, many of them are quite successful, and last even longer or just as long as those of the same age group.The question is, "does age matter?" An informal poll among some readers yielded varied results. Hazel, who has been married for 35 years to a man within her age group, reasons that by middle age, it really doesn’t matter if there is a gap of a decade or some fifteen years or so. She wouldn’t mind being with an older man, or with a younger man, so long as they loved and respected her. On the other hand, Naliaka said that she wouldn’t date or marry a man who is much older than her. At 20 years of age, the most she could manage is " a guy a year younger or up to four or five years older. After that, the gap is way too big. Naseem, who got married at 20 to a man 11 years her senior says she wouldn’t have it any other way. Their marriage has lasted over a decade, because, as she puts it, "we don’t see age. We’ve never seen age. Besides, men mature later than women, and as a first born I’ve always actedolder than my age. To me, guys my age are just like kids."May-December couples interviewed also said that often, one of them acts older or younger than his/her real age. Not that they show a lack of maturity, but rather , they are described as "young at heart." An example is 70 year old Timothy loves adventure and has convinced his 46 year old wife to sign up for salsa classes with him and to go camping, golfing and white water rafting. He is spontaneous and fun, and is by far the more youthful and adventurous of the two. She on the other hand, is very persnickety and organized and admits to being the "older soul" of the two. In her own words, instead of an evening out on the town she would prefer a quiet evening "reading or knitting in front of the TV."In Kenyan culture, though, it is not unusual to see a much older man with a younger woman. This is because traditionally, a man married a wife of his age group, and as the two of them got older, the man would add a younger wife or several younger wives if he had enough wealth to support them. This often resulted in trouble for the homestead and thus has occurred less and less during modern times. However the result is that some assume that either the woman is a gold-digger or the man is going through mid-life crisis and is looking for a "trophy wife" so he can feel younger.Yet, a surprising number of ladies find a mature man who has it together very attractive, and not necessarily because age is supposedly commensurate with financial stability. Rather, they are of the school of thought that men are like wine; they just get better with age. Such women even find gray hair dignified instead of off-putting, and they have no problem overlooking a few wrinkles or a pot belly. Juanita, who dated a man over twenty years her senior, found his company fascinating and refreshing. "With him I had a window into the past generation, and he treated me like a real gentleman. I found he respected my views and was more patient and understanding than men my age because of his being more experienced." She openly admits that she never had a good relationship with her dad so gravitating towards a proverbial "father-figure" in relationships was almost inevitable for her.AdmirationAs for those unions where the man happens to be a lot younger, the "Sugar Mommy" stereotype comes into play, where folks assume that he is in it for financial benefits. Yet, often this is far from the case. In many cases, women who find themselves single into their thirties and beyond sometimes say that the only available men in their age group and above are "taken, married, divorced, or have issues which is why they aren’t already married." They may also feel that those men are too busy eyeing the twenty-year olds, and take them for granted. Yvonne, whose husband is fourteen years her junior, says she has found marital bliss with him. "He doesn’t see me as old, and he shows me a lot of love and admiration plus he is very romantic. I really respect him and we have a lot of fun together." Apparently, that dynamic mirrors that of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. People magazine quoted a friend of theirswho said :" "Ashton just loves (Demi). He’s very loyal. He doesn’t flirt with anybody, ever. When they’re together, they look at each other and smile."

May-December relationships

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