Coping with the loss of a loved one

Coping with the loss of a loved one (Photo: iStock) Last week, we delved into the sensitive topic of grief caused by the death of a loved one and the possible complications of grieving. We outlined the stages of grief and the possible dysfunction and disorders, including persistent complex bereavement disorder, also known as prolonged or complicated grief disorder. This disorder is diagnosed if the symptoms persist for more than six months in adults and more than three months in children and are causing severe distress and dysfunction. The most striking symptoms include severe yearning with persistent feelings of pining for the deceased and wanting to be with them again, being obsessed with the deceased by persistently thinking, conversing, or writing about them, plus preoccupation with the circumstances of their death. Some people may develop extreme emotional distress and sorrow, while others develop identity disruption with feelings of part of oneself having died or an inability to understand one's identity without the deceased. There could be an intense feeling of disbelief about the death and avoidance of reminders of the loss, coupled with functional impairments, for example, inability to resume normal life activities, including work, social interactions or daily routines. Feelings of emotional disconnection from others and not having the urge to engage in activities that were previously enjoyable, or even suicidal ideations may suffice. There is no easy way out of grief, but grieving healthily while respecting their absence involves an integration of memorial remembrance, self-care, and emotional processing. Proper emotional processing and self-care involves letting oneself feel the whole range of emotions without censoring and accepting that it's okay to feel sad, angry or even overwhelmed. Engaging in physical activities or exercises like taking walks is encouraged as it is known to enhance mood and relieve stress. Walking particularly decreases the cortisol levels, which is a stress hormone and it triggers the release of endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. In this difficult period, maintaining a healthy lifestyle by getting adequate sleep, eating a balanced diet and avoiding excessive use of alcohol and drugs is vital. One is also encouraged to seek support from family, close friends or even formal groups, with whom one can share feelings and experiences. A key concept of honouring the departed is via keeping their memories alive by creating a book or a journal where one writes down stories and quotes, sharing your stories about your loved one with others while looking at photos together, hence helping navigate the grieving process. Establishing personal rituals, such as the burning of a candle or going to a special location on certain dates, helps commemorate your departed loved one. Maintaining a daily routine is encouraged in order to provide stability, while setting times for mourning in order to allow one to work through the difficult feelings and process without completely getting hijacked by them. One is advised to postpone making major life decisions during this period until one is emotionally stable again and to remember that psychotherapy or grief counselling and select medication are available options as well. - The writer is a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist clinical officer and lecturer KMTC Meru Campus

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