Sister, stop complaining and make your own money!

There is absolutely no reason why a woman in this day and age should sit cross-legged at home waiting for a man to provide for her. We have agreed that we are not pets who are reared for their aesthetic value. We have something between our ears and limbs that can propel us from point A to B, hence, we will do whatever it takes to earn a coin of our own. 

Nowhere in the history of humanity is a woman expected to sit down and wait to be taken care of. Our grandmothers tilled land, reared animals and traded to contribute to the family coffers. The women in the religious books worked alongside their husbands - sometimes even working more than them.

You see, the reason why some women are stuck in abusive marriages is because they have nowhere to go should they leave. Their entire livelihood and that of their family back in shags is solely dependent on their husbands. The man beats you up but you stick on like a tick because he is paying fees for your siblings who are in high school. He despises you but you still treat him as king because you have no cent to your name. Your advice to the younger generation is that they should persevere in marriage and God hates divorce. No woman should ever put herself in such a vulnerable situation if they are capable of doing something to earn a living. God, in his wisdom, gave us a brain and hands.

The 21st century woman brings something to the table. Her contribution does not have to equal her spouses but she works hard to build her family. She appreciates that she is part of the team and must share in the responsibility as well. Her husband cannot dare raise his hand against her because she is well versed with her rights and she won’t stay in a marriage where respect is not part of the menu.

She does not have to apologise profusely for burning dinner because one, she understands mistakes happen and secondly, she can afford to buy the food. Most importantly, there is always spare food in the fridge and anyone so appalled by the burnt sacrifice can always prepare an alternative meal because there is everything required in the kitchen to put together something of his choice.

However rich your man is you have to challenge yourself to pull at least your own weight. The best you can do if you don’t want to be employed is start a business with his money. This way, should you one day walk out of the marriage then you have somewhere to start from and some sort of engagement to confer you a certificate of participation in the eyes of the law.

But we cannot continue lying to ourselves that as a housewife you will be entitled to his money. You see such reasoning only makes sense in the Western world where house helps are unaffordable and the partner, who stays at home, runs the house in a way that adds measurable value in terms of saving costs on the top line. For a generation that claims to be empowered in terms of education and exposure, we cannot expect to eat the cake of gender parity and have it at the same time.